


the rawring 20s XD

by astralscrivener



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chatting & Messaging, F/F, F/M, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, It's My Quarantine And I Get To Choose The Coping Mechanism, M/M, Multi, Team as Family, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:33:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27371980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astralscrivener/pseuds/astralscrivener
Summary: carrierpidgeon:at long last, the evil is defeatedkkogane:the evil is never defeated, just asleepin which 2020 breaks astralscrivener and she starts a new voltron chatfic. i am so sorry about the title.
Relationships: Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Allura/Romelle (Voltron), Hunk/Shay (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron), Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Comments: 129
Kudos: 209





	1. oh the turntables

**Author's Note:**

  * For [the_arthipelago](https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_arthipelago/gifts), [QueenEevee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenEevee/gifts), [the_incredible_doodler](https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_incredible_doodler/gifts).
  * Inspired by [squad up](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12199533) by [astralscrivener](https://archiveofourown.org/users/astralscrivener/pseuds/astralscrivener). 



> squad up: who are u  
> the rawring 20s XD: i'm u but with better characterization and more representation and also more bullshit
> 
> hi. welcome. if you read the title i am so sorry
> 
> if you're an old squad up reader, this is not the squad up universe. allow me to explain the series of events that led me here
> 
> 2020\. covid. quarantine. some bullshit. nanowrimo. i have no inspiration. i am very bi. braincell went "what if u did another chatfic but kl has their shit together and it's romellura's turn to be disasters." before i knew what i was doing i was opening a google doc. cut to an hour later and me explaining this to my friends. the bad influences the lot of them go "actually. do it." and u know what. here we are. mar wes nicole and chae have enabled me. wtf guys
> 
> anyway. again. not the squad up universe. bc now we know about adam and romelle. and the fact that allura is actually the other paladins' age. and matt is young too. and also shiro's gay. anyway.
> 
> this is set in college. pidge skipped a grade and is a sophomore, keith lance hunk shay romelle and allura are juniors, matt is a senior, and shiro and adam are grad students/TAs in the physics department.
> 
> pronouns: keith he/they | lance he/him | hunk he/him | pidge they/them | shay she/they | matt he/him | romelle she/her | allura she/her | shiro he/him | adam he/him
> 
> that was a long note, my apologies, i will drop the trigger/content warning list for this chapter and i will see u again in the end note
> 
> **trigger + content warnings for talk of the election, improper self-care, poor eating habits, talk of covid, talk of death, nsfw humor (they're in college what can i say)...i think my bases are covered**

**_the rawring 20s XD_ **

**lanceylance:** why the fuck is it so COLD AND WINDY IT JUST BECAME NOVEMBER

**theromellanempire:** demeter’s PISSED

**whatashayme:** this is what we get for persephone falling in love

**kkogane:** [deep breath]

**princesssparklepants:** oh no he’s been activated

**kkogane:** persephone is IN LOVE LEAVE HER ALONE

**whatashayme:** anyone: [brings up greek mythology]

**whatashayme:** keith: I AM AWAKE

**shirogamer:** you wanna really piss them off

**kkogane:** SHIRO

**shirogamer:** what about the version of the myth where she was taken unwillingly

**kissthehunk:** okay no it’s too early in the morning for this

**kissthehunk:** i haven’t had any coffee yet i can’t deal with keith 

**theromellanempire:** no i think we should have this conversation

**princesssparklepants:** no!!! i have class with him in half an hour don’t do this to me!!!!

**princesssparklepants:** AND IT’S IN PERSON IT’S NOT LIKE IT’S OVER ZOOM

**gaspadam:** aren’t you supposed to be six feet apart. are u violating covid violations. do i have to report u to community standards

**kkogane:** DON’T TRY AND CHANGE THE SUBJECT

**kissthehunk:** I AM CHANGING THE SUBJECT

**gaspadam:** i am just being concerned over my child’s well-being

**carrierpidgeon:** why is the chat with the parents going off

**carrierpidgeon:** why can’t we talk about our crimes in the other chat

**shirogamer:** you guys have another chat? without us? :(

**kkogane:** yes

**shirogamer:** this is upsetting news i need time to grieve

**mattata:** okay everyone relax the favorite is here

**mattata:** what are we talking about on this fine day

**kkogane:** persephone was in love and people are slandering her

**shirogamer:** keith has issues

**lanceylance:** keith is passionate about love <3

**carrierpidgeon:** oh god not again

**carrierpidgeon:** IT’S BEEN. OVER FOUR FUCKING YEARS. WHYYYYYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY ARE YOU BOTH STILL LIKE THIS

**lanceylance:** i love him

**kkogane:** i love him

**carrierpidgeon:** everyone get in here and bully them

**kkogane:** i’m already being bullied can we just bully lance

**lanceylance:** HEY

**princesssparklepants:** i think i should legally be allowed to bully lance because i bought him coffee last week

**gaspadam:** were you wearing masks—

**carrierpidgeon:** W H Y A R E W E I N T H E P A R E N T C H A T

**gaspadam:** this is not the parent chat, this is the main chat, and then you all went off and made a children chat

**kkogane:** “children” almost all of us are legal adults

**carrierpidgeon:** i’m?? 18 now??? we are all legal adults???

**theromellanempire:** hush child

**princesssparklepants:** hush child

**theromellanempire:** :o

**theromellanempire:** same braincell…

**theromellanempire:** ...what are we…

**_lanceylance > princesssparklepants_ **

**lanceylance:** yeah what are u guys allura

**lanceylance:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**princesssparklepants:** YOU WOULD DO THIS TO ME

**princesssparklepants:** YOUR BEST FRIEND

**princesssparklepants:** I BOUGHT YOU COFFEE

**lanceylance:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**princesssparklepants:** LANCE MCCLAIN

**lanceylance:** one day to be lance kogane-mcclain :’^)

**princesssparklepants:** i can’t even bully you for this!! why would you do this to me!!!

**lanceylance:** because it’s funny!!!! because the turntables!!

**princesssparklepants:** well make like the clocks and turn them back!!!!

**_kkogane > theromellanempire_ **

**kogane:** [you_are_gay_yeun.mp4]

**theromellanempire:** i’ll kill u

**kkogane:** you can try

**theromellanempire:** :headinhands: :headinhands: :headinhands: 

**theromellanempire:** HELP ME

**kkogane:** i was gonna make a roman empire joke but the roman empire is just full of a bunch of imperialist bastards so

**theromellanempire:** i. hate u

**kkogane:** hate u more

**theromellanempire:** why is she pretty!!! why is she smart and funny!!!!! 

**kkogane:** do i look like god to you do you think i can answer this

**theromellanempire:** well /i/ don’t think you do but your /fiancé/ on the other hand,

**kkogane:** smh he talks like he doesn’t look like the fucking sun

**kkogane:** anyway i have to walk to class so i have to woo lance before i leave, you’ve been spared for now

**theromellanempire:** “for now” meet me behind the south dining hall and square the fuck up!!

**kkogane:** do u want me to bring allura so she can rescue you or—

**theromellanempire:** oh FUCK OFF

**_the rawring 20s XD_ **

**princesssparklepants:** ...what do you want to be…

**_theromellanempire > kkogane_ **

**theromellanempire:** WAIT KEITH COME BACK

**kkogane:** sorry can’t hear you going to walk to class with the object of your affections now—

**theromellanempire:** C H O K E

**_the rawring 20s XD_ **

**theromellanempire:** ...asleep…

**shirogamer:** me

**kkogane:** don’t you have a class to be teaching

**shirogamer:** they’re taking quizzes i have nothing better to do with my life

**gaspadam:** you gave them a quiz on a monday?

**shirogamer:** no, the professor and the syllabus gave them a quiz on a monday

**shirogamer:** they signed up for the monday discussion section what do you want with me

**gaspadam:** i have a long list where do you want me to start

**kkogane:** you know what goodbye i am tuning out

**_carrierpidgeon_ ** _ added  _ **_mattata_ ** _ , _ **_kkogane_ ** _ , _ **_lanceylance_ ** _ , _ **_kissthehunk_ ** _ , and  _ **_whatashayme_ ** _ to  _ **_those bitches gay_ **

**carrierpidgeon:** those bitches gay

**mattata:** where are my fathers!!!!!

**mattata:** [rattles cage] WHERE ARE MY FATHERS PIDGE!!!!!!

**kissthehunk:** no one wants sam in this chat

**mattata:** bro i don’t want sam in this chat!!! where is adadshi!!!!

**lanceylance:** a..dadshi…?

**mattata:** bc adashi are my dads!!!!! all of our dads!!!!!!!!

**kkogane:** they’re my dads??

**mattata:** Our Dads

**lanceylance:** we are not bringing White Boy With Ironic Communism back into the chat i am not allowing this i am shutting it down can we go back to bullying romelle and allura while they’re not here to defend themselves

**whatashayme:** why would we do that

**lanceylance:** because you motherfuckers did it to me back in high school!!

**lanceylance:** couldn’t let me LOVE KEITH IN PEACE

**carrierpidgeon:** bc y’all were fucking OBNOXIOUS

**kissthehunk:** and also u guys were talking about marriage by senior year

**lanceylance:** AND LOOK WHERE WE ARE NOW I’M GONNA MARRY THEM

**kkogane:** can u guys not blow up the gc when i can’t look at it

**lanceylance:** hello baby :^D <333333

**kkogane:** hi babe

**kkogane:** y’all need to shut the fuck up before allura gets suspicious

**whatashayme:** what are we not allowed to have a group chat without her

**kkogane:** everyone knows u don’t make group chats without other members of the group chat unless you’re doing birthday scheming or being gremlins and allura’s birthday was back in september

**lanceylance:** uh huh, uh huh, but have you considered we’re talking about a tv show or a video game she has no interest in so OBVIOUSLY we didn’t wanna blow up her phone

**kkogane:** .

**kkogane:** alright actually that’s smart—

**lanceylance:** WHAT DO YOU MEAN /ACTUALLY/

**kkogane:** <3

**lanceylance:** KOGANE

**kkogane:** sorry gotta go i’m in class—

**carrierpidgeon:** at long last, the evil is defeated

**kkogane:** the evil is never defeated, just asleep

**lanceylance:** hot

**carrierpidgeon:** no,

**lanceylance:** i can’t help that keith is hot 24/7

**kissthehunk:** no but you can control when you’re horny for him in the group chat

**lanceylance:** I NEVER SAID I WAS HORNY WTF

**lanceylance:** besides it’s no nut november

**_carrierpidgeon_ ** _ removed  _ **_lanceylance_ ** _ from  _ **_those bitches gay_ **

**kissthehunk:** we’re free

**_whatashayme_ ** _ added  _ **_lanceylance_ ** _ to  _ **_those bitches gay_ **

**lanceylance:** R U D E

**lanceylance:** anyway. pidge. ORIGINAL REASON FOR THE GROUPCHAT

**lanceylance:** those bitches gay

**lanceylance:** except i feel bad calling allura a bitch she is a queen

**whatashayme:** ya she really is 

**kissthehunk:** ya i agree

**lanceylance:** okay hold up confession. who here has ever had a crush on allura

**whatashayme:** listen. she has always been pretty and cool what the fuck was my bi ass supposed to do

**kissthehunk:** retweet

**carrierpidgeon:** no mostly i just wanted an older sister

**mattata:** [offended gasp]

**mattata:** u know what that’s fair 

**mattata:** lowkey. yeah

**kkogane:** i like men

**kkogane:** i like one man

**lanceylance:** <33333333333333

**lanceylance:** anyway. poor romelle

**kkogane:** getting her panicked texts are funny

**kkogane:** i’ve begun bullying her

**kissthehunk:** i will never understand your friendship

**kkogane:** and u know what. u don’t have to

**kkogane:** i’m gonna keep bullying her bc she bullied me when i liked lance

**lanceylance:** LIKED???

**lanceylance:** PAST???????

**kkogane:** u act like i don’t love u

**lanceylance:** o-oh

**carrierpidgeon:** keep this up and i’ll resurrect the chat where we just bully you guys while you’re not there to defend yourselves

**kkogane:** oh boo so what yeah i love lance what about it

**kkogane:** oh no how terrible i’m just known for how much i love him

**lanceylance:** my knight in shining leather <33333333

**mattata:** see if we had added the dads to this chat this wouldn’t be a problem because shiro would have bullied keith into silence already

**kkogane:** ...no

**mattata:** u know he would have

**kkogane:** i am going back to english now

**lanceylance:** i warm your bed until your return :^D <33333333

**carrierpidgeon:** WHY WOULD YOU PHRASE IT LIKE THAT

**whatashayme:** oh look at that time for zoom—

**_the rawring 20s_ **

**theromellanempire:** so not only did i have to have a crit on a fucking MONDAY but then my professor had to close out class by telling us he would see us on wednesday in a ~whole new world~

**theromellanempire:** long story short i thought about aladdin for all of five seconds before this girl on the zoom call goes “OH MY GOD THE ELECTION” and then i had a panic attack for twenty minutes and now i’m here

**whatashayme:** i’ll be back in the room soon, hang in there :((

**princesssparklepants:** ^^^^ my last class is over, do you need anything?

**princesssparklepants:** coffee, water, food?

**theromellanempire:** a hug :(

**_gaspadam > shirogamer_ **

**gaspadam:** i forgot they were all roommates and almost told them to wear masks and stay six feet apart

**shirogamer:** are u ever going to get off that subject

**gaspadam:** i am tired of my students being tired

**gaspadam:** yet another email today going, “sorry i can’t come to class a dumbass on my floor got covid bc they went partying and now everyone on the floor is in quarantine”

**gaspadam:** i will stop when it is break

**_the rawring 20s XD_ **

**princesssparklepants:** omw but also like. have u eaten

**theromellanempire:** ...does a half of a bagel count

**kkogane:** barely

**lanceylance:** no???

**carrierpidgeon:** yuh

**kissthehunk:** no!!!

**whatashayme:** no bb

**theromellanempire:** so then the answer is no

**princesssparklepants:** i’m bringing u food

**theromellanempire:** thank u ;-;

**kissthehunk:** while allura does that, what were everyone’s plans regarding. tomorrow

**kkogane:** lance and i have been properly quarantining, we’re going back to shiro and adam’s place for the night

**gaspadam:** “shiro and adam’s”

**kkogane:** everyone knows the real reason you and shiro wanted me living on campus was not just for a chance to have the ~stereotypical college experience~

**shirogamer:** oh and what was the real reason

**gaspadam:** takashi—

**kkogane:** shiro look me in the eyes and tell me u want me to answer that question

**lanceylance:** SHIRO FUCKS

**carrierpidgeon:** why. why are we doing this. why would u do this to me

**carrierpidgeon:** I’M INNOCENT!!!!! WHY ARE WE DOING THIS!!!!!!!!!!

**kissthehunk:** how do we always end up in nsfw hours

**mattata:** lance

**whatashayme:** lance

**carrierpidgeon:** IT’S ALWAYS FUCKING LANCE

**theromellanempire:** lance :(

**lanceylance:** MATT YOU KNOW HALF THE TIME IT’S YOUR FAULT

**mattata:** LEAVE ME ALONE IT’S YOUR FAULT THIS TIME

**theromellanempire:** ANYWAY BACK TO THE QUESTION AT HAND 

**kissthehunk:** oh thank goodness

**theromellanempire:** shay lura and i are all just gonna be on campus huddled in the common space and crying no matter which way things go

**gaspadam:** fair warning that the votes might not even be counted in full for another few weeks and that it will likely not be entirely clear by tomorrow night who wins

**whatashayme:** i think we’ll all cry anyway

**kissthehunk:** :(((

**kissthehunk:** ryan and i had just planned on studying together

**lanceylance:** u two don’t even have classes together

**carrierpidgeon:** aren’t u in entirely separate majors

**kissthehunk:** oh we were gonna study in silence and ignore the news together

**mattata:** honestly. the move

**mattata:** pidge was just gonna come crash in my apartment and play video games bc i am the best older brother

**gaspadam:** have u guys been social distancing from other people

**carrierpidgeon:** i have been alone in my room for two and a half months i am rotting

**mattata:** despite my father urging me to go out and “live” and not “fear a little flu” i have been perfectly responsible bc i have a little sibling to look out for and also i have braincells

**carrierpidgeon:** me and matt got mom’s genes but also mom married dad so. :///

**mattata:** this is why adashi are our dads now :^D

**shirogamer:** yknow when i adopted keith i did not envision adopting...seven other children

**kkogane:** and yet here you are

**mattata:** the favorite parent

**lanceylance:** THIS IS MY MOM SLANDER

**gaspadam:** lance has a point i love sofia mcclain

**kissthehunk:** i miss big group gatherings at lance’s house :((((

**lanceylance:** bruh same this summer was NOT the one

**lanceylance:** we didn’t even get to go on the cuba trip :(((((((((((((

**lanceylance:** and NOW the holidays are coming up and noche buena is gonna be a MESS because half of my family is like “ohhh it’s just a cold boohoo” and the other half of my family is like “u fucking dumbasses PEOPLE ARE DYING” and EVERYONE’S FIGHTING AND

**lanceylance:** keith are u almost back to the dorm i need cuddles :((

**kkogane:** almost there

**theromellanempire:** ALLURA IS HERE

**theromellanempire:** [photo2945.jpeg]

**theromellanempire:** MY QUEEN

**theromellanempire:** [sob] she brought boba i will weep

**princesssparklepants:** never let anyone tell u i am not a good friend

**princesssparklepants:** LANCE

**lanceylance:** WHAT DID I DO

**princesssparklepants:** U KNOW THE CRIMES U HAVE COMMITTED

**whatashayme:** I’M MISSING OUT ON BOBA????

**princesssparklepants:** [photo4872.jpeg] 

**princesssparklepants:** what u think i would forget u too

**whatashayme:** allura is my favorite person in the gc everyone else go fucking home

**kkogane:** i’m already home

**kkogane:** [photo8391.jpeg]

**lanceylance:** :’^) <33333333 right in my arms where they belong

**carrierpidgeon:** DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD MAKE IT STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP

**shirogamer:** [long sigh]

**kkogane:** don’t u have quizzes to grade old man

**shirogamer:** don’t u have exams to study for demon

**kkogane:** no we finished midterms now it’s paper season

**princesssparklepants:** the tragedy of being an english major

**kkogane:** and history. today’s bullshit is that pericles is a little bitch and socrates got what was coming for him

**carrierpidgeon:** elaborate

**kkogane:** motherfucker died because he thought “i can’t help that i’m wiser than all of u and u just wish u were me” would hold up in court

**kkogane:** and the plague of athens murked pericles after he made a speech going “ya, ur kids may have died in the war, but like. just have new children to replace them and make athens great again <33”

**princesssparklepants:** ...hold on i’m manifesting—

**lanceylance:** SO UR SAYING THAT AFTER PERICLES IGNORED A BUNCH OF DEATHS AND PRAISED HIS COUNTRY HE CAUGHT THE PLAGUE AND DIED HUH—

**gaspadam:** not to be the bearer of bad news but the tangerine already survived once

**carrierpidgeon:** covid 2 electric boogaloo

**kissthehunk:** to the government agent monitoring our group chat for all intents and purposes everything in here is a joke please i am begging

**lanceylance:** oh what the government is afraid of a bunch of mentally ill twenty year olds??? 

**lanceylance:** afraid of the kid who has an anxiety attack three times a week?????

**kkogane:** must be a fragile system if a handful of berries can bring it down—

**theromellanempire:** keith’s been activated

**whatashayme:** keith’s been activated since this morning

**kissthehunk:** keith is always activated they sleep with a knife

**shirogamer:** STILL?

**lanceylance:** he sleeps with a knife and a big spoon <33

**theromellanempire:** god i wish i that were me

**_kkogane > theromellanempire_ **

**kkogane:** yknow if u shot ur shot—

**theromellanempire:** bite me!!

**_the rawring 20s XD_ **

**kissthehunk:** it could be me and shay if i didn’t know for a fact rax would murder me if he got wind

**carrierpidgeon:** uh huh and how would rax find out

**kissthehunk:** …

**kissthehunk:** well

**carrierpidgeon:** i’m waiting

**kissthehunk:** …………….

**kissthehunk:** OKAY LOOK I DON’T KNOW HOW I’M JUST AFRAID OF THE POTENTIAL CONSEQUENCES 

**whatashayme:** hunk is a sweetheart who simply doesn’t want to disturb my roommates <333

**theromellanempire:** no this is absolutely just out of fear and self-preservation against rax 

**princesssparklepants:** if he didn’t fear rax hunk would absolutely make it his mission to disturb me and romelle

**kissthehunk:** okay look we are not klance,

**lanceylance:** WE HAVEN’T BEEN THAT BAD IN A WHILE FUCK OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

**lanceylance:** I JUST CAN’T HELP THAT I’M IN LOVE WITH HIM

**kkogane:** no u know what let them keep talking i think we should prove them right—

**carrierpidgeon:** jesus fucking christ

**shirogamer:** please why do none of you have class right now

**carrierpidgeon:** i have fully been in class for the last half hour

**mattata:** PIDGE

**carrierpidgeon:** camera off snacks out!

**lanceylance:** in pidge’s defense do professors really expect us to be paying attention this week

**kkogane:** mentally i’ve been checked out since the middle of midterms

**theromellanempire:** i’ve been checked out since that two week period where we were up here quarantining and doing absolutely nothing

**theromellanempire:** i am suffering my art is suffering life is hell,

**kissthehunk:** speaking of art u mentioned earlier u had a crit

**kissthehunk:** should i ask

**theromellanempire:** no :)))))))

**kissthehunk:** understandable have a nice day

**shirogamer:** maybe u guys should put the group chat down and just get some rest?

**lanceylance:** haha coffee 2 go brrrrrrrrr

**shirogamer:** LANCE

**gaspadam:** it’s only the afternoon he should be fine

**shirogamer:** keith how much did lance sleep last night

**kkogane:** idk i fell asleep before him and got up before him

**lanceylance:** ;)

**shirogamer:** oh my god

**shirogamer:** CAFFEINE IS NOT A SLEEP REPLACEMENT WE WENT OVER THIS

**lanceylance:** yes and then lockdown hit <3

**shirogamer:** you’re killing me. you’re killing your dad

**mattata:** lance please i need the dad that likes me to stay alive

**lanceylance:** fine i shall try to sleep in keith’s arms

**lanceylance:** farewell

**theromellanempire:** after all the crying i have done today i also need a nap goodbye

**princesssparklepants:** yknow what. im gonna hop out too i’ve got reading to do

**kkogane:** so much reading…

**_those bitches gay_ **

**carrierpidgeon:** keith :handshake: allura

**carrierpidgeon:** doing ur english reading while the object of ur affection sleeps on u—

**kissthehunk:** PIDGE

**whatashayme:** EGTRJMRBEGR I WASN’T GONNA SAY ANYTHING BUT YEAH...ALLURA SURE DID JUST SIT DOWN NEXT TO ROMELLE…

**kissthehunk:** LET THEM LIVE 

**kkogane:** no no pidge is right

**kkogane:** anyway. lance is warm. might fall asleep on him

**mattata:** i thought /you/ got enough rest last night

**kkogane:** i can sleep for four hours and i can sleep for eight hours and it will not make a difference

**kkogane:** besides. i have a choice between sleeping with lance and doing my homework i am making the best choice

**carrierpidgeon:** but ur gpa—

**kkogane:** “camera off snacks out!”

**carrierpidgeon:** .

**carrierpidgeon:** OKAY LISTEN

**kkogane:** sorry can’t hear you over how much i love him i’m going to sleep goodbye

**carrierpidgeon:** WE SHOULD’VE MADE THE GC WITHOUT YOU TWO

**whatashayme:** somehow i don’t think he cares

**kissthehunk:** “somehow” we all know they don’t

**_gaspadam > shirogamer_ **

**gaspadam:** coffee or tea, love

**shirogamer:** coffee

**gaspadam:** i’m getting you decaf

**shirogamer:** cream and sugar, at least?

**gaspadam:** obviously. demon

**shirogamer:** <3

**shirogamer:** i should be outside by the time you get here, but if i’m not u know where my office is

**gaspadam:** all too well

**shirogamer:** do we have everything we need for dinner tomorrow, or is it a grocery run tonight?

**gaspadam:** looking like a grocery run

**shirogamer:** ah

**shirogamer:** so date night it is

**gaspadam:** i’m almost certain that as we live together, every night is date night

**shirogamer:** but this is date date night

**gaspadam:** so what does that make our actual scheduled dates

**shirogamer:** Date date nights

**shirogamer:** the phrase is case-sensitive

**gaspadam:** absolutely terrible. i’ll see you in 15

**shirogamer:** <33

**gaspadam:** <3

**_theromellanempire > kkogane_ **

**theromellanempire:** I WOKE UP NEXT TO HER??????

**_those bitches gay_ **

**kkogane:** [photo8392.jpeg]

**kkogane:** and so it begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this will not update nearly every single day like squad up did bc yknow. i am in college. i am an english major and i am dying. also i have other fics to write this monstrosity should not exist but we all need some fun in this trying time. but also since this is my quarantine and i choose the coping mechanism, as happened in squad up, i will be talking about the bullshit happening in the real world as evidenced by [gestures] that 
> 
> if u have any other questions (a full list of the gang's majors, identities, etc) lmk and i'll put them up in the next chapter note whenever that goes up
> 
> take care of urselves, pals
> 
> [other fics](https://archiveofourown.org/users/astralscrivener/works) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/astralscrivener)


	2. literally what have the last 48 hours been

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> november 5th lasted 500 years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this was supposed to go up friday (november 6th) and then didn't. and then saturday (november 7th) and then didn't. happy sunday. what the fuck has the last week been. 
> 
> thank u guys so much for the wonderful reception i'm glad u seem to be enjoying my return to shitposting, i will respond to comments individually soon <33333 
> 
> for now y'all indeed asked for a list breaking down some character details so let's go  
> -keith, he/they (transmasc, comfortable w masc and gender neutral addresses), gay, 21, 5th semester english/history double major (i'm projecting), been dating lance since late 2016 and got engaged in late 2018  
> -lance, he/him, bi sly and hella fly (his words not mine), 20, 5th semester marine biology major with an astrophysics minor, been dating keith since late 2016 and got engaged in late 2018  
> -hunk, he/him, the pan with a plan, 20, 5th semester culinary arts major with a minor in electronics & systems (so engineering), been dating shay since early-mid 2016  
> -shay, she/they, the bi butterfly, 20, 5th semester ceramics major with a minor in geoscience, been dating hunk since early-mid 2016  
> -matt, he/him, bi and just a white guy, 21, 7th semester physics major (math concentration) with a minor in studio art (shay got him to gravitate towards ceramics)  
> -pidge, they/them, lesbian ace from outer space, 18, 3rd semester compsci/engineering major looking into an astrophysics minor  
> -allura, she/her, bi with white hair dye, 21, 5th semester english and poli sci double major, pining after romelle  
> -romelle, she/her, trans lesbian, 20, 5th semester illustration major, pining after allura  
> -shiro, he/him, trans gay man, 28, phd student and TA in the physics department, married to adam as of 2019  
> -adam, he/him, gay man, 28, phd student and TA in the physics department, married to shiro as of 2019
> 
> shiro, adam, and keith live in an apartment together except keith lives on campus during the school year, keith and lance are roommates, hunk and kinkade are roommates (they were supposed to share a suite w kl before covid hit so they had to split up), shay romelle and allura are roommates, pidge is living by themself this semester, and matt has an apartment by himself
> 
> anyway. enough of me blabbing (i apologize again for the long note) i will talk more in the end note
> 
> **supernatural spoilers for 15x18 but also if you haven't seen this spoiler by now u probably haven't been on the internet lately**
> 
> **trigger warnings for more talk of the election, mention of dissociation, mentions of murder/lightheartedly threatening to kill ur friends, a trump supporter spouting conspiracy theories...i think i've covered my bases but if i didn't just lmk <33 **

**_the rawring 20s XD_ **

**kkogane:** tell me the entire night i had last night was a fever dream

**carrierpidgeon:** i started hyperventilating at some point

**carrierpidgeon:** i think i blacked out

**kkogane:** lance had me on the fucking floor

**lanceylance:** please i couldn’t breathe for like half an hour

**kkogane:** we would think we were fine and then we’d lose it again

**mattata:** i dunno what u guys are talking about i think losing ur fucking mind over canon destiel with ur fiancé is the peak of modern romance

**carrierpidgeon:** i just took psychic damage from reading that

**kkogane:** canon destiel in 2020 in the middle of a pandemic while we’re on election day day 3 and also something about putin

**princesssparklepants:** good morning allegedly sherlock is getting a season 5

**kkogane:** sherlock is what

**carrierpidgeon:** SOMEBODY CHECK ON DR WHO I CAN’T HANDLE THIS

**kissthehunk:** why is 2012 tumblr in the chat

**theromellanempire:** i am sitting in my graphic design class trying not to lose my fuckign mind

**theromellanempire:** i am about to get LIGHTHEADED

**princesssparklepants:** last night made me feel an emotion with the same energy as euphoria but like. halfway across the spectrum

**whatashayme:** i think that’s just called an adrenaline rush

**lanceylance:** allura i think that’s called fight or flight

**kkogane:** i haven’t even processed what i felt last night

**gaspadam:** good morning kids pa and ga flipped blue

**lanceylance:** THEY FUCKING WHAT

**theromellanempire:** PA AND GA WHAT

**kkogane:** WAIT REAL SHIT

**carrierpidgeon:** ADAM DON’T LIE TO ME

**princesssparklepants:** THEY FLIPPED???

**kissthehunk:** WAIT I HAVEN’T CHECKED THE NEWS FR???

**whatashayme:** DON’T DO THIS TO ME

**mattata:** FOR REAL???

**gaspadam:** WHY WOULD I LIE ABOUT THIS

**gaspadam:** [photo3459.jpeg]

**kkogane:** oh my god

**lanceylance:** have they called it?? officially????

**gaspadam:** not yet

**shirogamer:** if we get PA alone it’s game over

**theromellanempire:** oh my god oh my god oh my GOD

**kkogane:** holy fucking shit

**carrierpidgeon:** what. what. what.

**lanceylance:** 2020 isn’t real 

**lanceylance:** oh my god

**_kkogane > shirogamer_ **

**kkogane:** im gonna break down oh my god

**kkogane:** shiro im shaking

**shirogamer:** i’d be lying if i said i haven’t been crying for the last ten minutes

**kkogane:** do you know how bad my anxiety attack was on election night???

**kkogane:** it took forever for lance to calm me down i was so fucking sure…….

**shirogamer:** well, if he holds onto all the leads he has until the races are called, this is indisputable

**shirogamer:** most courts have been tossing out tangerine’s lawsuits

**kkogane:** i think i’m gonna pass out but for the opposite reasons of tuesday night

**shirogamer:** jesus christ

**shirogamer:** did u even eat

**kkogane:** lance and i just woke up

**shirogamer:** go eat before u pass out

**kkogane:** i think if i walk out of the dorm i will just wipe out

**kkogane:** right now lance is just. 

**kkogane:** [photo8393.jpeg]

**kkogane:** i have the best fiancé

**shirogamer:** alright tell him that not me

**shirogamer:** go back to cuddling but fuckin eat before 10, alright?

**kkogane:** yeah yeah right now let me just. holy fuck

**shirogamer:** yeah, i know

**shirogamer:** to be fair adam hasn’t really let go of me either

**kkogane:** can we just have a collective group happy cry. this weekend. or over break. something. 

**shirogamer:** yeah, we can do that

**_the rawring 20s XD_ **

**kissthehunk:** this is almost worse than wednesday can they call this already

**gaspadam:** unfortunately with the number of votes left to count it’s still too close to call even tho it’s basically inevitable

**kissthehunk:** i normally don’t have problems focusing but this. this is bad

**lanceylance:** they should’ve cancelled classes every day after tuesday

**carrierpidgeon:** it’s a little too late for that

**lanceylance:** this is the hill i’ve climbed and i’m dying up here

**mattata:** i’m with lance on this one

**mattata:** being a senior stem major is STRESSFUL ENOUGH

**princesssparklepants:** i’ve had like three different election tracker tabs open since tuesday night my laptop has not known peace

**carrierpidgeon:** allura...please give ur laptop a rest………..i am begging…………….

**princesssparklepants:** no<3

**whatashayme:** my gripe is that he has the popular vote by over 4 million right now

**whatashayme:** full offense but the electoral college is bullshit

**kkogane:** seconded

**lanceylance:** retweet

**kissthehunk:** that is the correct sentiment

**carrierpidgeon:** [twirls hair] omg abolition of the electoral college...you’re SO funny....

**kkogane:** never do that again

**carrierpidgeon:** keith i cannot stress to you enough that i do not feel like i am in my body and i have not felt present in my body since last night

**theromellanempire:** gender dysphoria vs dissociation cagematch

**carrierpidgeon:** see romelle gets it

**princesssparklepants:** if they call this shit before 3 i’m getting everyone coffee or tea or boba or whatever the fuck u guys want

**lanceylance:** bold of u to assume i’m not going to immediately take keith on a date

**shirogamer:** we are in a pandemic,

**lanceylance:** SOCIALLY DISTANCED OUTDOORS

**lanceylance:** well. i will not be socially distanced from keith

**lanceylance:** i am going to be kissing him passionately,

**kkogane:** ,

**lanceylance:** <333333333333333333

**kkogane:** english class go faster please i want to kiss my fiancé

**mattata:** kinda gay

**kkogane:** oh fuck it’s gay???

**kkogane:** SHIT

**princesssparklepants:** lance confesses his love for keith and then goes immediately to hell while keith just stares at him trying not to say a slur,

**kkogane:** ALLURA I AM GOING TO LOSE IT AGAIN

**lanceylance:** PLEASE RTJRHGRTYH

**theromellanempire:** not just any hell bb, SUPERHELL

**princesssparklepants:** FUCK YOU’RE RIGHT

**_kkogane > theromellanempire_ **

**kkogane:** so bb huh

**theromellanempire:** you are IN CLASS WITH HER KEITH

**kkogane:** yes and?

**kkogane:** i’m just here to point things out : )

**theromellanempire:** i’ll kick ur ass

**kkogane:** u can fuckin try 

**kkogane:** “bb” ur almost there! two letters off from babe and baby!

**theromellanempire:** shut

**theromellanempire:** /UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP/

**kkogane:** how long is it going to be before you crack

**theromellanempire:** keith.

**kkogane:** romelle : )

**theromellanempire:** she is OUT of my LEAGUE

**theromellanempire:** WE’RE IN TWO TOTALLY DIFFERENT SPORTS

**kkogane:** and who said she’s not a superfan of your sport?

**theromellanempire:** KEITH.

**kkogane:** ROMELLE.

**theromellanempire:** I USE TERMS OF ENDEARMENT FOR ALL MY FRIENDS

**kkogane:** you raise a fair point

**kkogane:** but also,

**theromellanempire:** THA—oh fuck you

**kkogane:** so are you gonna make a move or

**theromellanempire:** i wish. i wish. i /wish./ that u had been the coward with ur relationship with lance

**kkogane:** u know u just wish u were me and i can’t help that

**kkogane:** and did u just imply that u AND lance are cowards

**theromellanempire:** …………

**kkogane:** screenshotted

**theromellanempire:** KEITH

**kkogane:** ohhh nooo i have to pay attention in class now—

**theromellanempire:** [RATTLES CAGE] KEITH KOGANE

**_lanceylance > kkogane_ **

**lanceylance:** even if it doesn’t get called by 3 wanna go on a date anyway

**kkogane:** we have schoolwork

**kkogane:** and i want to do none of it absolutely

**lanceylance:** jesus i almost had a heart attack like WHO ARE U AND WHAT HAVE U DONE WITH KEITH

**kkogane:** u gave me a choice between you and schoolwork and u thought i would choose schoolwork

**lanceylance:** u know. maybe so

**lanceylance:** for one fleeting moment i thought maybe shiro’s advice and words of wisdom and general workaholic attitude had finally gotten through to you after all these years and you became the “responsible adult” society wants u to be and—

**kkogane:** according to shiro and adam i always was and always will be a “contrarian menace”

**lanceylance:** ya but ur my contrarian menace <3333

**kkogane:** okay sap

**kkogane:** where did u wanna go for our date

**lanceylance:** yknow just getting coffee

**lanceylance:** holding hands, basking in the sunshine

**lanceylance:** honestly. we could just wander around campus i’ve been so deprived of all our usual spots just bc. yknow. online classes, no need to leave or find a corner to hang out in

**kkogane:** u miss making out w me near the bio building don’t u

**lanceylance:** ...maybe………..

**kkogane:** uh huh

**lanceylance:** are u in or not!!!

**kkogane:** when it comes to u i’m always in

**kkogane:** but i am still going to tease you about this forever

**lanceylance:** ,

**lanceylance:** ,,

**kkogane:** has lance.exe stopped working

**lanceylance:** why would u do this to me

**kkogane:** because i’m in love with you

**lanceylance:** . get back to the dorm right fucking now

**_the rawring 20s XD_ **

**kissthehunk:** hey allura

**princesssparklepants:** yes hunk

**kissthehunk:** so i know it’s after 3 and they still haven’t called it,

**princesssparklepants:** uh huh

**kissthehunk:** can we celebrate anyway

**shirogamer:** ???

**kissthehunk:** i think we should manifest it

**gaspadam:** manifesting doesn’t actually...do anything...you guys know that right

**princesssparklepants:** not with that attitude it doesn’t

**whatashayme:** i think hunk here has a great idea

**princesssparklepants:** u guys just want free drinks smh

**theromellanempire:** pleeeeaaaaaaaaase luraaaaaaaa

**whatashayme:** i think it is important to note the way romelle is staring at allura from across the room with the BIGGEST puppy dog eyes

**princesssparklepants:** ..

**kkogane:** uh-huh…..

**lanceylance:** cmooooonnnnnn alluraaaaa you know u want tooooooo

**_princesssparklepants > lanceylance_ **

**princesssparklepants:** if she doesn’t stop giving me puppy dog eyes i will die

**lanceylance:** if u die then how can u be her gf

**princesssparklepants:** LANCE I AM A BISEXUAL HAVING A CRISIS

**lanceylance:** I’VE BEEN A BISEXUAL HAVING A CRISIS FOR YEARS NOW WELCOME TO THE CLUB

**princesssparklepants:** YOU ARE NOT HELPING

**_theromellanempire > kkogane_ **

**theromellanempire:** she is furiously texting someone and it is not the group chat from the looks of it

**kkogane:** what if she’s just tweeting or something

**theromellanempire:** no i can see the text bubbles

**kkogane:** uh huh

**kkogane:** probably just some other friends

**theromellanempire:** she’s doing that thing she does when she gets flustered. she’s tense and i think if i am not mistaken she is blushing

**kkogane:** oh, really?

**theromellanempire:** k e i t h

**_lanceylance > princesssparklepants_ **

**lanceylance:** okay but you know what /would/ help

**princesssparklepants:** what

**lanceylance:** giving in and buying everyone drinks :^)

**princesssparklepants:** how does that help

**lanceylance:** we manifest tangerine getting fired and also everyone gets drinks and also romelle is very very happy 

**princesssparklepants:** …

**lanceylance:** :^D

**_the rawring 20s XD_ **

**princesssparklepants:** and so what if i say yes

**theromellanempire:** we’ll love you forever??

**_kkogane > theromellanempire_ **

**kkogane:** oh my god

**theromellanempire:** I’LL THROTTLE U SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP IT DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING

**kkogane:** i’m screenshotting all of this

**theromellanempire:** FIGHT MEEEEE

**_the rawring 20s XD_ **

**carrierpidgeon:** u get to see us

**mattata:** fresh air as u walk from dorm to dorm

**lanceylance:** also like u don’t have to go alone u can get volunteers to go with u 

**princesssparklepants:** that’s right im going to make shay and romelle come with me

**whatashayme:** we’re what

**_theromellanempire > kkogane_ **

**theromellanempire:** I CAN SEE U TYPING STOP THAT

**kkogane:** have fun on ur date i hope shay doesn’t mind third wheeling—

**_theromellanempire_ ** _ blocked  _ **_kkogane_ **

**kkogane:** u know what. deserved 

_ ERROR: You are unable to send messages to this person. _

**kkogane:** but not regretted

_ ERROR: You are unable to send messages to this person. _

**_those bitches gay_ **

**kkogane:** i got romelle to block me i think i win today

**carrierpidgeon:** KEITH RTYJHMTRHTEG

**whatashayme:** HOW DID YOU GET ROMELLE TO BLOCK YOU I?????

**kkogane:** i just kept doing what u fuckers did to me and lance

**kkogane:** i expect i’ll be unblocked when she needs to start having another gay breakdown

**kissthehunk:** you are bullying her,

**kkogane:** no she bullies me too it’s balance

**kkogane:** equilibrium and all that

**kissthehunk:** literally. why are u both like this

**lanceylance:** i enjoy bullying allura about this but i cannot go that far, alas

**lanceylance:** i think she would just verbally tear me to shreds in the main group chat if i tried

**carrierpidgeon:** u would deserve it

**lanceylance:** i would deserve it and it would be an honor 

**lanceylance:** but also no<3

**mattata:** u know for an only child keith sure knows how to have a sibling

**kkogane:** wtf shiro is my big brother does he just not exist anymore

**mattata:** where is the line between dad and older brother with him

**kkogane:** .

**kkogane:** i concede

**kkogane:** anyway. yes. battling u and pidge and lance’s siblings for several years has allowed me insight as to how to be the best and the worst sibling ever

**lanceylance:** keith came into my life and i brought him home and my siblings went New Bullying Target and my mom went New Favorite Child

**kissthehunk:** and who was the old favorite

**lanceylance:** well hunk, it was you

**kissthehunk:** KEITH USURPED /ME????/

**lanceylance:** yes, it was a tragic day for all of us

**kissthehunk:** WHY AM I JUST FINDING OUT NOW??? NOW THAT MY MOURNING PERIOD HAS ALREADY PASSED????????

**carrierpidgeon:** f

**mattata:** f

**whatashayme:** f

**lanceylance:** anyway. before hunk it was veronica :( alas no love for lancey in this house

**kkogane:** come to my house

**lanceylance:** does our dorm qualify

**carrierpidgeon:** you two are in the same room why are u doing this in the group chat

**kkogane:** i love lance

**kkogane:** anyway we have to go lance wanted to go on a date

**carrierpidgeon:** and what happened to the free drinks ur getting from allura

**kkogane:** she can find us

**_kkogane > princesssparklepants_ **

**kkogane:** me and lance are over by the bio building

**princesssparklepants:** do i even want to know why you’re over by the bio building

**kkogane:** we’re on a date

**princesssparklepants:** then why do you need me interrupting your date

**kkogane:** i will pay for our coffees if u don’t tell lance

**princesssparklepants:** truly a master of romance

**kkogane:** you know you could be too—

**princesssparklepants:** WHY ARE YOU AND LANCE BOTH DOING THIS TO ME!!!!! WHAT DID I DO!!!!!!

**kkogane:** made the mistake of telling us about your crush xoxo

**princesssparklepants:** DON’T YOU XOXO ME

**kkogane:** does this mean the coffees are off or—

**princesssparklepants:** i will bring them to u if u venmo me right now

**kkogane:** on it

**_the rawring 20s XD_ **

**mattata:** midnight. it is. saturday. and we still do not have results

**princesssparklepants:** ah yes, november 3rd, part 5

**shirogamer:** i am so tired of watching the news

**shirogamer:** i am going to bed

**gaspadam:** i’m also retiring for the night

**kkogane:** have fun don’t do anything you would regret

**shirogamer:** keith.

**kkogane:** shiro.

**gaspadam:** adam.

**lanceylance:** FRGTRHMUYRTHE

**lanceylance:** have fun i will not go to bed until 3 AM again

**lanceylance:** it’s fuckin AMONG US TIME

**princesssparklepants:** AMONG US TIME?

**carrierpidgeon:** FUCK YEAHHHHHHHHHHH

**mattata:** HELL YEAH

**whatashayme:** oh god not again

**kissthehunk:** the chaos of the last few days i do not have the braincells for among us

**theromellanempire:** the obvious solution is to just play hide and seek

**lanceylance:** the catharsis of brutally murdering your friends while we all scream on voice call

**shirogamer:** lance...do u need therapy……..

**lanceylance:** yes but we don’t have the funds for that<3

**mattata:** oh big oof

**mattata:** i wish we could help but my parents were already Not Happy about getting me n pidge therapy

**carrierpidgeon:** fucking sam

**mattata:** FUCKING SAM

**gaspadam:** the day shiro and i win the lottery we’re getting all of you kids therapy

**kkogane:** fucking finally

**kkogane:** i thought you were going to sleep

**gaspadam:** we saw “therapy” come up in our notifs and decided to lurk a little longer

**gaspdadam:** now we are off

**kissthehunk:** good night guys

**kissthehunk:** anyway for the rest of u guys GET ON THE DISCORD CALL WE’RE PLAYING AMONG US

**_the rawring 20s XD_ **

**mattata:** [KICKS DOWN DOOR] WAKE UP MOTHERFUCKERS GET THE FUCK UP WAKE UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP

**kkogane:** what

**mattata:** BIDEN FUCKING WON

**princesssparklepants:** HE FUCKING WON????

**carrierpidgeon:** MATT DON’T FUCKING LIE TO ME

**mattata:** PIDGE IM COMING TO GET U RIGHT NOW

**carrierpidgeon:** OH MY GOD

**lanceylance:** SHUT UP YOU’RE LYING TO ME

**lanceylance:** MATT

**mattata:** [photo3737.jpeg]

**mattata:** WHY WOULD I LIE ABOUT THIS!!!!!

**kissthehunk:** holy fucking shit

**kissthehunk:** i’m gonna start crying

**lanceylance:** KEITH AND I ARE ALREADY THERE

**princesssparklepants:** i’ve never been so happy about a terrible white man’s success in my life

**whatashayme:** weeping

**whatashayme:** just. weeping

**theromellanempire:** i just woke up to allura and shay screaming oh my god oh my GOD

**kkogane:** didn’t intend to wake up and immediately start crying but i’m not mad about it

**shirogamer:** good morning. what the fuck

**_teenage rebellion_ **

**kkogane:** oh my god

**gaspadam:** what. literally what have the last 48 hours been

**shirogamer:** i have not felt like a real person since tuesday

**gaspadam:** congratulations u can come back to earth now

**shirogamer:** no more plotting my escape to mars

**kkogane:** bold of u to assume nasa had the funds for that

**kkogane:** but. yeah. holy shit

**kkogane:** i’m.

**kkogane:** i’ve just been. sobbing

**kkogane:** good sobbing but sobbing 

**gaspadam:** yeah, that’s been about how it’s going here

**gaspadam:** i’ve been on and off emotional

**shirogamer:** i have just been fully emotional

**gaspadam:** but then again when is takashi not

**shirogamer:** alright,

**gaspadam:** <3

**kkogane:** gross /hj

**shirogamer:** HALF joking??? you and lance do more than this in the /main/ group chat!!!!

**kkogane:** yes and

**gaspadam:** takashi this is your fault he’s like this

**shirogamer:** ADAM???

**gaspadam:** you enabled him by giving him an example

**kkogane:** YEAH SHIRO

**shirogamer:** I DID NO SUCH THING??

**kkogane:** yes u did

**gaspadam:** yes you did

**shirogamer:** well from the evidence i’m seeing /here/ it looks like keith took more after ADAM,

**gaspadam:** only the best parts of him

**shirogamer:** sweetheart,

**gaspadam:** yes dear?

**shirogamer:** shut the fuck up <3

**gaspadam:** no <3

**kkogane:** anyway. i’m feeling better now i think lance and i are just going to spend the day together 

**kkogane:** he’s tossing out the idea of linking up with the others later so we’ll see

**kkogane:** for now we have to go get breakfast

**gaspadam:** food is important, that’s the smart choice

**shirogamer:** wear a mask and socially distance if u see the others

**gaspadam:** ^^^

**kkogane:** we will

**_the dean of students poisoned the water and turned the frogs gay_ **

**lanceylance:** anyone wanna have a socially distant hangout and happy cry together

**carrierpidgeon:** wait can we please actually it’s so nice out and i don’t wanna do my homework

**princesssparklepants:** i’m down!!!

**whatashayme:** for once, lance has a good idea

**lanceylance:** HEY WHAT DO YOU MEAN “FOR ONCE”

**whatashayme:** what did you think i meant <3

**lanceylance:** THIS IS SLANCER

**mattata:** i’m in

**mattata:** the fuck is slancer

**lanceylance:** LANCE SLANDER

**kissthehunk:** slancers rise up

**kissthehunk:** i’ve got nothing better to do with my life i’ll come hang out

**theromellanempire:** homework

**kissthehunk:** i said nothing better to do

**kkogane:** we know??

**kissthehunk:** ...oh my god

**kkogane:** did. someone say something

**kkogane:** wait

**_kkogane > theromellanempire_ **

**kkogane:** romelle unblock me

_ ERROR: You are unable to send messages to this person. _

**kkogane:** romelle

_ ERROR: You are unable to send messages to this person. _

**kkogane:** ROMELLE

_ ERROR: You are unable to send messages to this person. _

**_those bitches gay_ **

**carrierpidgeon:** DOES ROMELLE STILL HAVE YOU BLOCKED???

**kkogane:** I GUESS SO?

**carrierpidgeon:** LMAOOOOOOOOOO

**lanceylance:** WREHTYMUTRHEG

**kissthehunk:** PEOPLE ARE GONNA START ASKING WHY ROMELLE HAS U BLOCKED WHAT ARE U GONNA DO

**kkogane:** me bullying her is not out of the ordinary

**_the dean of students poisoned the water and turned the frogs gay_ **

**theromellanempire:** wait this is so funny

**carrierpidgeon:** WGEHTYRHER

**princesssparklepants:** did you...block keith…??

**theromellanempire:** yes i did <3

**kkogane:** yes she did

**kkogane:** i regret nothing

**theromellanempire:** fuck u keith

**whatashayme:** why would u say that he can’t even defend himself

**kkogane:** is she talking shit

**kkogane:** somebody drop screenshots

**carrierpidgeon:** wait please nobody drop screenshots

**kkogane:** PIDGE

**princesssparklepants:** WHY DID U BLOCK HIM GTRHYRTHR

**theromellanempire:** he is a bully. the last straw!!! /j

**kissthehunk:** how long are u gonna keep him blocked for

**theromellanempire:** until i break him

**_those bitches gay_ **

**kkogane:** UNTIL SHE NEEDS SOMEONE TO COME RUNNING TO ABOUT HER GAY PANIC THAT’S HOW LONG

**carrierpidgeon:** ETRYTJURHGEGTHYNRTEGDFHGR

**_the dean of students poisoned the water and turned the frogs gay_ **

**lanceylance:** unstoppable force (romelle’s stubbornness) meets immovable object (keith’s stubbornness)

**kkogane:** i don’t know what romelle is saying but bring it on!!!

**theromellanempire:** they’re gonna regret that xoxo

**whatashayme:** oh boy

**kissthehunk:** hey romelle how much dirt do you happen to have on keith

**kissthehunk:** asking for a friend

**kkogane:** hunk. hunk. why are you asking that question

**princesssparklepants:** HERE WE GO

**kkogane:** ALLURA

**lanceylance:** it’s over for them now

**kkogane:** LANCE NOT YOU TOO I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU

**theromellanempire:** only time will tell ;)

**mattata:** this is the plotline 2020 needed

**kkogane:** NO IT’S NOT??

**princesssparklepants:** oh and what happened to “i regret nothing”

**carrierpidgeon:** bitches do a lot of talking and then it’s tweets not loading right now—

**mattata:** FUCK

**lanceylance:** GTRHYTMRNTHEGRS

**lanceylance:** the bully has become the bullied

**kkogane:** ,

**kkogane:** i brought this upon myself didn’t i

**kissthehunk:** yes u did

**whatashayme:** yup

**mmattata:** ya

**lanceylance:** yes u did baby

**kkogane:** [long sigh] u know what

**kkogane:** this is war now

**kissthehunk:** are we gonna have to choose sides like in captain america civil war or

**lanceylance:** would it be juicier if i took romelle’s side,

**_those bitches gay_ **

**kissthehunk:** lance you know full well you have no room to take romelle’s side

**lanceylance:** yes i know i’m trying to rile keith up

**kkogane:** lance,

**lanceylance:** your texts say one thing your mouth tho—

**carrierpidgeon:** i hate both of u

**carrierpidgeon:** with the fire of a thousand suns

**carrierpidgeon:** achilles who

**carrierpidgeon:** they’re gonna start calling it pidgean rage

**_the dean of students poisoned the water and turned the frogs gay_ **

**theromellanempire:** i think that would be the blow that takes out keith’s side completely

**lanceylance:** i want to believe in his resilience but we all know they’re too far gone for me <3

**kkogane:** what did romelle say

**kkogane:** lance drop the screenshots

**kkogane:** LANCE

**whatashayme:** i don’t know if this is funnier or more pathetic knowing they’re sitting next to each other and keith could just take lance’s phone to read these texts for himself

**kkogane:** ,

**lanceylance:** FUCK

**carrierpidgeon:** anyway while they duke it out for lance’s phone are we all meeting up later

**princesssparklepants:** yes

**mattata:** hell yeah

**kissthehunk:** affirmative

**whatashayme:** i’m in

**theromellanempire:** yes

**princesssparklepants:** but how is romelle gonna block keith in real life

**mattata:** i think that’s just called murder

**theromellanempire:** …….uh huh………..

**kissthehunk:** romelle

**carrierpidgeon:** wait no let her speak

**princesssparklepants:** can u wait until after lance and keith’s wedding i’ve been working on my toast speech since they got engaged and also i intend to look hot as fuck

**theromellanempire:** …

**theromellanempire:** alright fine 

**_bae bae picture supply inc_ **

**samuelholt:** [link]

**samuelholt:** This is what the mainstream media isn’t showing you. They are trying to steal this election and nothing has been called officially yet.

**carrierpidgeon:** i’m illiterate

**mattata:** unironically believing the tangerine can still win...sad. tremendously sad. yugely sad.

**samuelholt:** You’re playing right into their hands. Believe me, or don’t!

**mattata:** this is so sad alexa play delusional by simon curtis

**colleenholt:** Matthew.

**_carrierpidgeon > mattata_ **

**carrierpidgeon:** dad: yes i’m a scientist <3 yes i voted for the anti-science guy <3 we exist <3

**mattata:** i am so tired i did not ask for br**tb*rt i just wanted pictures of bae bae

**carrierpidgeon:** refuckingtweet

**carrierpidgeon:** are u going home during break or

**mattata:** i have the lease until spring so. i don’t know

**mattata:** my plan right now is to come home for thanksgiving and go back to the apartment through most of finals

**mattata:** if it’s bad at thanksgiving i’ll just live there throughout all of break and just stop home for hanukkah 

**carrierpidgeon:** ………..

**carrierpidgeon:** if it gets bad can i come with

**mattata:** yeah

**mattata:** i’ve had a space cleared for you just in case for a couple weeks now

**carrierpidgeon:** ;-; thanks matt

**mattata:** i gotchu

**mattata:** gotta look out for my little sibling right?? 

**carrierpidgeon:** :^) 

**_the rawring 20s XD_ **

**mattata:** hey adashi

**shirogamer:** why are u addressing us in the main group chat

**mattata:** because i can

**mattata:** i was talking with the others

**whatashayme:** a good idea, in our collective sleep-deprived states, still coming down from thursday and friday’s adrenaline high

**mattata:** we’re gonna get a d&d campaign together once i come up with a plot idea

**mattata:** do you want in

**gaspadam:** i will have to respectfully decline i am a busy man

**shirogamer:** i will also have to decline i am so tired

**mattata:** alright fair enough that just means i need to corral everyone else

**lanceylance:** [cracks knuckles] i haven’t touched my dice in so long i’m fuckin READY

**mattata:** well i still need to come up with a campaign idea and then u guys need to make characters and then i need to tweak the campaign to weave in your backstories and then—

**lanceylance:** BUT U GET MY POINT THO

**mattata:** yes

**gaspadam:** very happy for u kids for finding another way to get therapy when u cannot

**mattata:** as the resident Friend In Therapy it’s time to make all my npcs say the things my therapist has told me <3

**kkogane:** thank fuck

**lanceylance:** started the day happy crying over the election and now i end it getting free therapy from matt??? a wednesday miracle

**shirogamer:** it’s saturday night?

**lanceylance:** no it’s wednesday night 

**gaspadam:** either way it is my bedtime good night children 

**carrierpidgeon:** good night dad

**mattata:** farewell father

**kkogane:** night adam night shiro

**princesssparklepants:** good night!!

**theromellanempire:** gnight!!!!

**whatashayme:** sleep well

**lanceylance:** NIGHT DADS

**kissthehunk:** gnight

**_kkogane > theromellanempire_ **

**kkogane:** YOU CAN’T KEEP ME BLOCKED FOREVER

_ ERROR: You are unable to send messages to this person. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i will disclaim that i'm not really happy that _biden won_ but more happy that _trump lost_ i must make that perfectly clear (i have many onions on the politics of this country i will not get into now but anyway)
> 
> i have no idea when the next chapter is coming my classes are trying to kill me <333
> 
> anyway. yes. d&d is a plot point now bc i said so
> 
> i hope u guys enjoyed this one, and stay safe out there pals!!!
> 
> [other fics](https://archiveofourown.org/users/astralscrivener/works) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/astralscrivener)


	3. dragon that dungeon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is all about d&d if you have no idea how d&d works i am so fucking sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so when i said this wasn't gonna follow squad up's update schedule i meant it lmao
> 
> i meant to come back to this and then shit hit the fan and then suddenly?? it was february???? WILD how time works
> 
> if u don't understand d&d just look stuff up, i prefer d&d 5e wikidot and roll20 but you do you. also watch dimension 20 and listen to naddpod aka not another d&d podcast this fic is not sponsored i am just passionate about d&d. warning that they are mature, especially naddpod, so yeah. viewer discretion i am not responsible for what u see u clicked on an M-rated fic to begin with
> 
> also like romelle unblocked keith eventually but she and allura still haven't confessed bc they r sapphic disasters
> 
> keith and lance moved back home for the semester except keith is staying at lance's, shiro and adam are in their apartment where keith is not, hunk is still on campus, shay allura and romelle are still on campus, pidge is still on campus, matt is still in his apartment okie dokie that covers it
> 
> anyway i'll leave u guys to it thank u for all the wonderful feedback thus far
> 
> **minor trigger warning for a minor mental break on lance's part but it's off-screen and only briefly talked about it will come back in later chapters tho probably**

**_the rawring 20s XD_ **

**lanceylance:** very nice of my body to catch me up on what day it is in the worst way possible

**kissthehunk:** good morning to u too 

**kissthehunk:** elaborate

**lanceylance:** genuinely i do not think i have set foot on our old high school campus since pidge graduated and even then that was . what. summer 2019

**kissthehunk:** the math checks out go on

**lanceylance:** sitting in my room last night doing hw 

**lanceylance:** keith passed out on my bed, as usual

**carrierpidgeon:** was that a necessary detail

**lanceylance:** the most necessary

**lanceylance:** anyway i’m sitting there after several days of getting the day of the week wrong

**mattata:** barbecue sauce on ur tiddies

**lanceylance:** correct

**lanceylance:** thought wednesday was thursday, thought friday was sunday, yada yada

**carrierpidgeon:** dude get a calendar

**lanceylance:** i have one!!!!!

**lanceylance:** ANYWAY

**lanceylance:** i was suddenly hit with the Sunday Anxiety

**whatashayme:** gross

**lanceylance:** EXCEPT

**mattata:** that’s never good

**lanceylance:** instead of being like “ughhh i gotta get up to sit thru zoom class”

**lanceylance:** it was “i have to get up early to GO TO SCHOOL”

**lanceylance:** AS IN. OUR OLD HIGH SCHOOL BUILDING

**lanceylance:** being back in my childhood bedroom in february for the first time since senior year comPLETELY shifted my frame of mind so that momentarily i was gonna go sit in antok’s room and sleep on my desk while keith slept on top of me

**kkogane:** i am now on Lance Watch

**princesssparklepants:** you’re always on Lance Watch

**kkogane:** he’s hot but also if he shifts back into his senior year mindset we’re going to have problems

**lanceylance:** [long staring at a wall]

**lanceylance:** i can’t go back there i cAN’T GO BACK THERE……

**theromellanempire:** good morning what the fuck

**lanceylance:** hi romelle

**kkogane:** fuck u romelle

**theromellanempire:** no <3

**shirogamer:** why are my children fighting now

**mattata:** good morning dad 2!

**shirogamer:** okay now why am i dad 2

**whatashayme:** well i see half the group chat woke up and chose violence

**lanceylance:** my brain chose violence <33

**kkogane:** starboy,

**lanceylance:** come back upstairs and cuddle me :(

**kkogane:** don’t u have class in 5 minutes

**lanceylance:** :((( yeah

**kkogane:** go to class and i’ll cuddle you after

**shirogamer:** please this is the family group chat we don’t need this

**kkogane:** i cast silence

**shirogamer:** is there a saving throw or

**mattata:** nope! no saving throw!

**mattata:** it IS concentration tho

**kkogane:** i have great concentration

**_lanceylance > kkogane_ **

**lanceylance:** promise you’ll come cuddle after class ???

**kkogane:** of course

**kkogane:** getting bad?

**lanceylance:** hhhhHHHH YEAHHHH

**kkogane:** okay

**kkogane:** we’ll figure it out

**_the rawring 20s XD_ **

**shirogamer:** can i roll to attack to break their concentration

**kkogane:** if u can hit me

**shirogamer:** does a 100 hit

**kkogane:** fuck u

**mattata:** what the fuck kind of modifiers

**shirogamer:** the rules are suggestions rule of cool wins—

**kkogane:** ARE YOU STILL HUNG UP ON THAT

**princesssparklepants:** hung up on what

**kissthehunk:** why are romelle and keith fighting wait can we go back to that

**kkogane:** we ran a home game w pidge and matt and adam YEARS ago 

**kkogane:** matt was dming

**mattata:** that’s how i became the forever dm [sigh]

**carrierpidgeon:** imagine being the dm

**mattata:** imagine shutting the fuck up

**kkogane:** matt believes firmly that while u should follow most rules, at the end of the day they are Suggestions and the rule of cool wins over everything else

**kkogane:** this is how shiro suffered his first ever pc death

**shirogamer:** A COMPLETELY PREVENTABLE PC DEATH

**gaspadam:** i may have been the one responsible

**kkogane:** YEAH AND SHIRO NEVER LET /EITHER OF US/ LIVE IT DOWN

**princesssparklepants:** what

**theromellanempire:** keith is mad bc i’m hot

**gaspadam:** so a long time ago, shiro and i once got into a big fight and broke up for a bit over it

**gaspadam:** but we had this game going

**gaspadam:** and it was keith’s first d&d game and matt’s first time dming so we didn’t want to ruin the party

**kkogane:** u could cut the sexual tension w a knife tho

**shirogamer:** SHUT

**kkogane:** and romelle and i are fighting again bc she’s a cOWARD who won’t acknowledge that i’m RIGHT

**theromellanempire:** I Do Not See It

**gaspadam:** unfortunately, our PCs were dating

**gaspadam:** they were a sorcerer and a paladin

**gaspadam:** bc shiro always plays paladins

**shirogamer:** IF D&D IS ABOUT HAVING FUN AND I LIKE PLAYING PALADINS WHY SHOULD I CHANGE THAT

**shirogamer:** YOU GUYS DIDN’T EVEN HAVE A REAL HEALER AND DESPERATELY NEEDED MY LAY ON HANDS—

**carrierpidgeon:** imagine turning ur lay on hands into a bitch slap

**theromellanempire:** omg pidge ur a genius

**kissthehunk:** WHY DID YOU NOT HAVE A REAL HEALER IN THE PARTY

**mattata:** bc fuck optimization all my homies hate optimization

**carrierpidgeon:** bc we’re gay 

**kkogane:** bc storytelling is more fun to us than combat

**kissthehunk:** YOU CAN’T TELL THE STORY IF EVERYONE IS DEAD??

**mattata:** dw i made a mechanic for that

**kkogane:** you had a mechanic for if we all died?

**mattata:** >:)

**gaspadam:** ANYWAY

**princesssparklepants:** adam please keep going i’m on the edge of my seat

**gaspadam:** so, you know, there was a period of time where we were...not getting along

**shirogamer:** that’s a polite way of putting it

**kkogane:** im gonna keep my mouth shut

**shirogamer:** yes u are go sit in ur little zone of silence

**kkogane:** fuck u i can drop concentration right now

**shirogamer:** what’s that i can’t hear u

**gaspadam:** so while d&d is roleplay, things were tense, and we decided that we could not roleplay being in love while we were fighting

**gaspadam:** so our pcs broke up

**gaspadam:** one thing led to another

**gaspadam:** suddenly we were in pvp

**kkogane:** it is important to know that i was playing a pyromaniac wizard

**kkogane:** and pidge was also a wizard

**princesssparklepants:** you’re all so squishy…

**carrierpidgeon:** very squishy! three spellcasters and one martial spellcaster! no healers!

**kkogane:** matt liked to use it against us

**mattata:** AND I’LL DO IT AGAIN, CHOOSE WISELY FOR THE COMING CAMPAIGN

**kkogane:** anyway, in the middle of this pvp, where shiro and adam were doing a lot of damage to each other and pidge and i jumped in for shits and giggles, matt had the AUDACITY to attack us

**mattata:** YES I DID

**kkogane:** i had one spell slot left

**kkogane:** it was a high level

**princesssparklepants:** pyromanic wizard...KEITH……

**kkogane:** i cast fireball

**kkogane:** adam was just outside the blast radius, shiro was not

**shirogamer:** ADAM WAS INSIDE THE BLAST RADIUS

**gaspadam:** no i wasn’t matt said so

**mattata:** he was right on the edge and i thought it would be both funnier and way more tragic if the only character with healing capabilities who had just broken up w his boyfriend died

**theromellanempire:** MATT????

**theromellanempire:** SHOULD I BE WORRIED??????

**kkogane:** yes

**mattata:** yes

**carrierpidgeon:** yes

**shirogamer:** run

**gaspadam:** have a backup character ready to go

**gaspadam:** so shiro dropped

**gaspadam:** and matt decided to add insult to injury

**shirogamer:** add injury to injury

**gaspadam:** to add injury to injury

**gaspadam:** he was going to have one of the enemies stab shiro while he was down

**carrierpidgeon:** EXCEPT HE CRIT

**gaspadam:** he crit

**gaspadam:** so that was two death save fails

**shirogamer:** and then i failed my last death save :/

**mattata:** :)

**mattata:** that conveniently let me make a new plot arc where the entire goal was to save shiro’s character, journey to the underworld and all that

**kkogane:** classics major lookin ass

**mattata:** in another life there’s a matt who just weeps about the aeneid all day

**kkogane:** i don’t wanna meet him

**mattata:** shut up history major you’re like the same thing but carry the connotation of having a hard-on for ww2 but ONLY the military weapons part of it

**kkogane:** TAKE IT BACK

**gaspadam:** anyway that whole plotline came about bc my character felt ridiculously guilty over it and also we had just fought and then he died and my character got no closure and so help me god if you die before we resolve things i am going to the underworld to argue with you there too

**kissthehunk:** true love

**kkogane:** i mean shiro’s into it so

**shirogamer:** [sigh]

**gaspadam:** he sighs because he adores me and it’s the truth

**shirogamer:** to compensate i made my backup character an excessive flirt who hit on adam at every opportunity

**gaspadam:** i almost killed that pc

**kkogane:** he wanted to piss adam off on purpose

**carrierpidgeon:** he wanted to watch adam get flustered mid-session and now we know why keith and lance are Like That

**kkogane:** hey—

**shirogamer:** long story short if matt is your dm make a backup character and be careful who you romance

**gaspadam:** he says, continuing to romance me anyway

**_princesssparklepants > theromellanempire_ **

**princesssparklepants:** i’ve been so busy with school i almost forgot matt was planning a campaign

**theromellanempire:** to be fair we were supposed to start over winter break so i think matt also forgot he was planning a campaign

**princesssparklepants:** he’s a senior he gets a pass

**theromellanempire:** a senior...AND planning to dm a campaign…..could not be me i am dying

**princesssparklepants:** please don’t die :( then who am i supposed to talk to

**theromellanempire:** the gc, shay—

**princesssparklepants:** ro,

**princesssparklepants:** what’s up :(

**princesssparklepants:** is it keith? i can drive back to town and kick his ass

**theromellanempire:** rgthnyrterg no it’s not keith we’re fine

**theromellanempire:** i would have already kicked their ass if that was the case

**theromellanempire:** mostly it’s just that i’m exhausted and i realized last night that we’re not even halfway through the semester and i’m just gonna keep doing work every single day again and again and again being like “just one more project just one more assignment” until may and then. i crashed

**princesssparklepants:** why didn’t u say anything??

**theromellanempire:** u and shay were both zzzzzzzz

**theromellanempire:** didnt wanna wake u

**princesssparklepants:** :////// im not gonna say “next time wake me up” bc then we’d /both/ be exhausted but :((( 

**theromellanempire:** shiro and adam really gotta get on this whole “winning the lottery and giving the whole gc therapy” thing

**princesssparklepants:** that’s okay matt’s gonna give us all free therapy

**theromellanempire:** ah, yes, my original reason for texting

**princesssparklepants:** are u going to conveniently ignore ur impending mental break

**theromellanempire:** yes <3

**theromellanempire:** it’s okay i just have one class today and then im going back to bed

**princesssparklepants:** god i wish that were me i have two today and i have keith in one of them

**theromellanempire:** ah yes, the english major duo

**princesssparklepants:** we made a pact in freshman year to take as many classes together as we could bc it makes some of the boring requirements more bearable

**princesssparklepants:** they told me the other day that he has a class without me and he’s constantly like “i need to text allura abt the homework” only to remember that we don’t have that class together

**theromellanempire:** god i would kill to have class with u

**theromellanempire:** i made shay take a class with me this semester and we roped matt into it too

**princesssparklepants:** what class

**theromellanempire:** hand puppetry

**princesssparklepants:** when the FUCK did we start offering puppetry classes

**theromellanempire:** i have no idea but we do!!

**princesssparklepants:** that’s not even an art class????

**theromellanempire:** we all had room in our schedules for an elective

**theromellanempire:** and it counts bc it’s a 3000-level

**theromellanempire:** besides we all know drama is just art kids two inches to the left

**princesssparklepants:** i mean maybe so but ???

**theromellanempire:** shhhh just accept it

**theromellanempire:** anyway. d&d. do u have a character concept yet

**princesssparklepants:** i have been eying a warlock for a bit actually but i’m waiting on matt to give us LORE 

**theromellanempire:** oh?

**_the dean of students poisoned the water and turned the frogs gay_ **

**theromellanempire:** MATTHEW

**mattata:** that would be me yes

**theromellanempire:** you got any LORE FOR US

**mattata:** should i make a separate d&d chat for this so we can keep track of it and it doesn’t get buried under complaining when classes don’t get cancelled tomorrow

**carrierpidgeon:** i see it’s big brain hours

**_mattata_ ** _ added  _ **_carrierpidgeon_ ** _ ,  _ **_kissthehunk_ ** _ ,  _ **_whatashayme_ ** _ ,  _ **_gaspadam_ ** _ ,  _ **_shrirogamer_ ** _ ,  _ **_kkogane_ ** _ ,  _ **_lanceylance_ ** _ ,  _ **_theromellanempire_ ** _ , and  _ **_princesssparklepants_ ** _ to  _ **_dragon that dungeon_ **

**mattata:** hello dadashi before u ask why u are here u are here in case u ever decide to join the campaign as guests for an arc feel free to mute

**carrierpidgeon:** oh we’re getting arcs?

**theromellanempire:** naddpod tease

**mattata:** yes ur getting arcs if i can get my last two braincells together

**kkogane:** and yet you wouldn’t take a creative writing minor so you could take classes with me and allura

**mattata:** bc u guys would bully me for being a stem major next question

**kkogane:** false i never bully lance

**mattata:** but you’re in love with him 

**kkogane:** …….maybe you make a point

**carrierpidgeon:** maybe??

**kkogane:** oh no i’m fully aware that lance is the love of my life i’m just conceding to “maybe he gets a pass BECAUSE he is the love of my life” hence matt does not

**mattata:** im gonna shiro ur pc

**shirogamer:** so we’re calling the blatant disregard for the rules bc a pc death is a better story “shiro”ing it now?

**mattata:** i’m so glad you can read <3

**mattata:** anyway the lore is very basic right now BUT: you’re a team on a fetch quest for a powerful artifact against a DIFFERENT group of adventurers for two rival kingdoms and if they get their hands on it and get it behind their walls first there will be untold chaos

**princesssparklepants:** this is just fantasy capture the flag

**mattata:** …………………………

**mattata:** anyway ideally some of you guys would be /already/ working for the kingdom and the royals who run it (maybe one of u is a royal?? idk go wild), some of u guys are criminals seeking to escape a sentence, some of u are in it purely for money, some of u have a crush on the royals, idk!!! whatever reasoning u can come up with for finding this item instead of living ur normal everyday threats-of-death-free lives

**lanceylance:** im only hitting on a royal if it’s keith

**lanceylance:** and how dare u all blow up my phone while i’m in class

**_princesssparklepants > lanceylance_ **

**princesssparklepants:** in class and having a breakdown?

**lanceylance:** TF—

**princesssparklepants:** u okay?

**lanceylance:** i mean like im okay now but did keith spill or

**princesssparklepants:** i mean u all but said it in the group chat earlier

**lanceylance:** OKAY SO I HAD A LITTLE BIT OF A MENTAL BREAKDOWN i think i’m just tired. and i was hungry

**lanceylance:** keith made lunch while i was in class bc they’re the love of my fucking life

**princesssparklepants:** hangry?

**lanceylance:** more hanxious but like. yeah

**lanceylance:** i need SLEEP

**lanceylance:** once the d&d discussion wraps im probably just gonna nap on keith’s chest….i love him so much….

**princesssparklepants:** and he loves you

**princesssparklepants:** any idea what they and romelle are on about now

**lanceylance:** i think but i don’t think it’s my place to talk abt it so !!!

**princesssparklepants:** traitor

**lanceylance:** why don’t u ask ro urself 

**princesssparklepants:** we were busy talking abt other stuff. actually the reason she texted matt abt d&d was bc she was texting me

**lanceylance:** oh?

**princesssparklepants:** she asked if i had a character concept and i said i wanted to be a warlock but i’m waiting on matt to give us lore about potential patrons bc we all know he’s a slut for homebrew

**lanceylance:** [victoria justice voice] I THINK WE’RE ALL SLUTS FOR HOMEBREW

**princesssparklepants:** you could’ve just stopped after sluts—

**lanceylance:** ALLURA RHYMTYRHTG

**_dragon that dungeon_ **

**mattata:** is anyone playing classes that need supernatural beings/deities/devils/etc

**kissthehunk:** please god somebody play a cleric we can’t pull a shiro

**carrierpidgeon:** bold of u to assume whoever plays the cleric will pick a helpful subclass

**kissthehunk:** wh

**theromellanempire:** they’ve got a point……..some cleric subclasses are simply sexier than the ones built for healing

**mattata:** so should i be bringing back the tpk mechanic 

**kissthehunk:** SOMEBODY PLEASE PLAY A HEALER

**shirogamer:** i can guest star as a paladin

**mattata:** saw that coming

**carrierpidgeon:** hunk if ur so desperate why don’t u play a healer

**kissthehunk:** bc i played the healer last time 

**kissthehunk:** i wanna play a barbarian this time

**whatashayme:** he’s tired of being nice he wants to go apeshit

**kissthehunk:** …...no i just wanna tank for my friends

**lanceylance:** WAIT HUNK THAT’S SWEET

**lanceylance:** fuck it i’ll be a cleric but i’m also playing a tabaxi

**kkogane:** ...you’re gonna be a catboy?

**lanceylance:** UR MARRYING A CATBOY MULLET

**kkogane:** i’m marrying a catboy everyone

**mattata:** alright gonna need a deity for lance depending on the subclass

**princesssparklepants:** gonna play a warlock, probably the celestial subclass

**carrierpidgeon:** isn’t that the healer subclass—

**princesssparklepants:** one healer cannot possibly manage a party of our size bc we all know matt will use the party size as a means of giving us more difficult enemies

**mattata:** >;3c

**mattata:** anyway u absolutely don’t have to have a character ready to go yet but if u wanted the basic plot, there u go. the gods will probably be out to get u

**kkogane:** naturally

**shirogamer:** wait can i guest star as a god—

**mattata:** you especially, your character is actually going to bring the party more trouble

**shirogamer:** .

**mattata:** oh also it’s on you guys how much you want other players to know about your character beforehand and whether or not you want to make your characters know each other as like mortal enemies or siblings or lovers or whatever

**carrierpidgeon:** u just gave keith and lance a pass to be fucking obnoxious

**lanceylance:** KEITH………...MARRY ME………..?

**kkogane:** well now i have to

**_theromellanempire > princesssparklepants_ **

**theromellanempire:** so……

**princesssparklepants:** mmm?

**theromellanempire:** what if. and hear me out. for shits and giggles. what if. what. what if.

**theromellanempire:** we. romanced each other. like during the campaign 

**theromellanempire:** i think it would be neat and warlocks are sexy

**_princesssparklepants > lanceylance_ **

**princesssparklepants:** i think i am going to go into cardiac arrest

**lanceylance:** DON’T????

**princesssparklepants:** what does it mean if the girl u have a massive crush on asks to romance ur d&d character in the campaign. as like a whole plot point

**lanceylance:** ALLURA ALTEA.

**princesssparklepants:** LANCE PLEASE I’M HAVING A CRISIS

**princesssparklepants:** oh god. oh god. oh my god. oh god we’re gonna get clowned so hard

**princesssparklepants:** OH NO

**princesssparklepants:** THEY’RE GONNA SEE U AND KEITH….AND THEN LOOK AT ME AND RO…...OH NO

**lanceylance:** allura please tell me you are still breathing

**princesssparklepants:** SORRY THE OLD ALLURA CAN’T COME TO THE PHONE RIGHT NOW

**lanceylance:** should i ask romelle to resuscitate you or—

**princesssparklepants:** SHUT—

**_princesssparklepants > theromellanempire_ **

**princesssparklepants:** i think that would be fun!

**princesssparklepants:** what were you thinking for your character?

**theromellanempire:** i think i’m gonna go for a rogue or a fighter...purely martial class

**_dragon that dungeon_ **

**kkogane:** i’m going for shiro’s ass i’m gonna be a paladin

**mattata:** oh my fucking god

**kkogane:** lance and i are writing the backstory as we speak and u guys aren’t allowed to know it yet

**lanceylance:** tempest cleric jot that the fuck down

**kissthehunk:** WHY IS THAT NOT A HEALING SUBCLASS

**lanceylance:** WOULD YOU CALM DOWN I WILL TAKE HEALING SPELLS

**kissthehunk:** gotdammit...matt put me down as a path of the zealot barbarian

**gaspadam:** don’t you all have classes to attend

**lanceylance:** matt activated us all like sleeper agents the only class i have to attend to is cleric

**shirogamer:** what’s your subclass, keith

**kkogane:** my subclass is a secret 

**shirogamer:** i’m exacting my revenge watch ur back

**kkogane:** bring it grandpa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i have a new list in google docs about their d&d characters yes i am plotting an entirely new campaign for FICTIONAL CHARACTERS while caught up in multiple irl campaigns yes i'm mentally ill and d&d is currently rotting my brain
> 
> anyway. hopefully this updates a little more regularly lmao
> 
> i will see u all in the next chapter and yes the romellura will ramp up bc i'm bi as fuck and WOMEN
> 
> [other fics](https://archiveofourown.org/users/astralscrivener/works) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/astralscrivener)


	4. why the fuck aren't classes cancelled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> arus refuses to cancel classes, the gang talks hades and persephone, and also more d&d stuff happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter takes place on thursday (02/18) i just got sidetracked and couldn't finish writing it until today
> 
> ya so there's more d&d talk i am so sorry if u have no idea what i'm talking about
> 
> if u would like to learn how to play d&d i watched [fantasy high](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-eY2tDgXsY&list=PLhOoxQxz2yFOcJoLoPRyYzjqCbddeOjP4) and started to understand, and if u want a handy reference website [roll20](https://roll20.net/compendium/dnd5e/BookIndex) and [5e wikidot](http://dnd5e.wikidot.com/) are ur best friends
> 
> **trigger warnings for friends lightheartedly threatening to kill each other/kick each others' asses, talk of covid and anxiety and stuff, i think my bases are covered**

**_dragon that dungeon_ **

**mattata:** good morning gays keith and lance’s backstory is the reason i’m homophobic

**lanceylance:** the only good news is we decided i’m not a tabaxi

**kkogane:** i refused to marry a catboy

**carrierpidgeon:** yknow like nyo

**kkogane:** i’ll kill you

**carrierpidgeon:** you can try!

**lanceylance:** mom said it’s MY TURN TO BE A HALF-ELF

**princesssparklepants:** u like dropping hints that ur bi ur playing a half-elf

**lanceylance:** [SWEATS]

**theromellanempire:** can i get a list of what everyone else is thinking abt so i don’t play the same thing as someone else...i think we should have variety and flavor :^)

**mattata:** i abstain

**theromellanempire:** anyone BESIDES THE DM wanna tell me what they’re playing

**kkogane:** human paladin

**shirogamer:** keith im gonna kill you

**kkogane:** just play my big brother or something coward

**shirogamer:** .

**gaspadam:** if shiro is going to be playing a human paladin whenever we get around to guest-starring i will likely be playing a human wizard

**kissthehunk:** i’m playing a dragonborn path of the zealot barbarian

**whatashayme:** u sound so official 

**kissthehunk:** i must have my shit together at all times bc we all know the rest of u don’t

**whatashayme:** my hero <3

**theromellanempire:** OOOOH…..im gonna play a tiefling i wanna have horns

**theromellanempire:** big sexy horns

**carrierpidgeon:** im not gonna say it im not gonna say it im not gonna say it

**kkogane:** horny bitch

**theromellanempire:** im coming back to town as we speak to kick ur ass

**mattata:** if lance isn’t playing a catboy i will simply make /my/ self-insert a catboy

**carrierpidgeon:** matthew

**mattata:** pidgeon

**carrierpidgeon:** furry

**mattata:** hey now

**theromellanempire:** your handle is also named after a pokémon with fur

**mattata:** ………

**mattata:** okay anyway—

**carrierpidgeon:** anyway i have put no thought into my character whatsoever

**carrierpidgeon:** u know what maybe i’ll be a changeling and make matt’s life miserable

**mattata:** bring it on if u up the chaos i will just up the chaos in turn

**kissthehunk:** well it was nice knowing everyone

**whatashayme:** i’m gonna play a goliath i wanna be jacked

**kissthehunk:** hot

**whatashayme:** (✿◠‿◠)

**whatashayme:** also i’m gonna play a druid!!! circle of the land :^D

**carrierpidgeon:** what land

**whatashayme:** mountains, i’m gonna keep a theme :^)

**mattata:** a jacked druid

**whatashayme:** just bc i’m a spellcaster doesn’t mean i don’t work out

**mattata:** so many spellcasters tho...u guys are so squishy……..

**theromellanempire:** alright guess i’m definitely a fighter then

**theromellanempire:** oh holy shit i’m gonna do the echo knight subclass wait this is cool as hell

**mattata:** ur STILL gonna do funky magic shit on me

**carrierpidgeon:** would u like me to be a quintessential gremlin and be a changeling ROGUE, MATT

**mattata:** i am just so sad we have no bard that’s my favorite class

**kkogane:** u could make shiro be the bard

**shirogamer:** keith,

**mattata:** no given your backstory i think him as another paladin works out for the drama

**shirogamer:** what the HELL does that mean

**mattata:** when it comes time for you and adam to enter the campaign we’ll talk but we’ll get there

**princesssparklepants:** just make ur self-insert a tabaxi bard

**mattata:** im going to annoy the shit out of all of u and u can’t stop me

**lanceylance:** the dm is a player too and deserves to have fun, annoy away!!!

**gaspadam:** i can’t believe matt is angling for pvp AGAIN

**carrierpidgeon:** if you’re being a catbard then my subclass is arcane trickster u are not escaping without ALL OF US using magic!!!!

**theromellanempire:** echo knight BARELY COUNTS

**kissthehunk:** i don’t think path of the zealot counts either?

**carrierpidgeon:** please just let me have this

**mattata:** all of u are agents of chaos trying to out-chaos the most chaotic person here

**mattata:** i created this world and i WILL make it more chaotic on a whim

**princesssparklepants:** so is this a fun campaign where u give us free therapy or are u out to get us

**mattata:** alright well i have a mechanic for if you guys die where u won’t necessarily have to make a new character, and i am not Trying to kill u…...i am just here for the drama

**princesssparklepants:** got it so not trying to kill us but absolutely trying to kill us

**kkogane:** some fates are just worse than death

**mattata:** keith gets it

**princesssparklepants:** we get it u guys are classics majors

**mattata:** i am NOT

**kkogane:** i should’ve been smh

**kkogane:** it’s too late for me to back out of the history thing now tho

**kkogane:** speaking of which

**_the rawring 20s XD_ **

**kkogane:** it’s actually bullshit that arus refused to cancel classes today i can’t even see the fucking road

**shirogamer:** all of your classes are online what does it matter

**princesssparklepants:** speak for him TWO of my classes are in-person today i am COLD AND WET

**kissthehunk:** shiro don’t u literally commute to campus

**gaspadam:** not today we don’t

**kissthehunk:** right well commuters DO exist

**kissthehunk:** i would imagine it would be on those professors to cancel but arus really couldn’t take the initiative on this one

**princesssparklepants:** i literally have commuters in my class this afternoon and the professor was like “unless the university cancels class is on” like okay thank u stephen ur now on my shitlist forever

**kkogane:** stephen...is that the professor with the mustache

**princesssparklepants:** certainly is

**kkogane:** i had him two semesters ago i hate that man RMP lied to me

**princesssparklepants:** my options now are the bus, which u KNOW the university doesn’t clean regularly, in a PANDEMIC, or walking in the snow

**theromellanempire:** i can walk w u i don’t have class til way later

**_theromellanempire > kkogane_ **

**theromellanempire:** I SEE U TYPING STOP THAT

**kkogane:** i think last time i had to go to class alone in the snow lance told me to have fun and then put his feet on my pillow

**theromellanempire:** rip to u i guess??

**kkogane:** whipped

**theromellanempire:** im gonna make like megaera and kick ur ass 

**kkogane:** sorry i’m too busy romancing than

**theromellanempire:** between you and lance you are thanatos make no mistake

**kkogane:** …

**theromellanempire:** tsundere lookin ass

**kkogane:** ALRIGHT,

**_the rawring 20s XD_ **

**princesssparklepants:** literally why would u do that

**theromellanempire:** so you’re not lonely? and i like the snow 

**_those bitches gay_ **

**whatashayme:** romelle hates the snow she woke up complaining

**carrierpidgeon:** yeah i remember her complaining about it all the time last winter glad i’m not the only one witnessing this in real time

**kissthehunk:** they’re cute tho this is very wholesome

**lanceylance:** they’re cute but this has been carrying on for months like. they gotta know, right???

**whatashayme:** i mean afab people are conditioned from basically birth to be kind to everyone and it’s always like “oh, girls are always so affectionate” so i know for me personally it was very hard to distinguish platonic from romantic feelings for women for a LONG time

**kkogane:** shay’s got a point but this will not stop me from bullying romelle over this

**kissthehunk:** a terror

**kkogane:** romelle and i are like soulmates but instead of romantic soulmates we are mortal enemies

**_the rawring 20s XD_ **

**princesssparklepants:** i mean. suit urself i guess

**princesssparklepants:** i certainly wouldn’t mind the company

**theromellanempire:** i am getting ready where are u

**princesssparklepants:** taking shelter in the student union rn

**princesssparklepants:** i was just gonna stay here til my next class and get lunch and do homework like u really don’t have to come

**theromellanempire:** i am joining u for lunch

**_kkogane > theromellanempire_ **

**kkogane:** smells like a date—

**theromellanempire:** go make out w lance i’m busy 

**kkogane:** i have been making out w him All Morning

**theromellanempire:** ……….

**theromellanempire:** i have brought this information upon myself

**kkogane:** u certainly have

**kkogane:** lance is the love of my fucking life

**theromellanempire:** okay very cool so why are u clowning me on trying to romance the woman who has the potential to become the love of MY fucking life

**kkogane:** BECAUSE YOU DID THE SAME THING WHEN I WAS IN THE CRUSH STAGE WITH LANCE??

**theromellanempire:** ,

**theromellanempire:** hm. high school me set herself up for this huh

**kkogane:** suffer

**theromellanempire:** PERISH

**kkogane:** MAKE ME

**_the rawring 20s XD_ **

**whatashayme:** have fun!!! i will be here huddling under two blankets and refusing to do my homework

**princesssparklepants:** take my blankets and romelle’s and warm them up for when we’re both done with classes 

**whatashayme:** wait that’s brilliant actually

**whatashayme:** WILL DO

**lanceylance:** wait allura ur a fucking genius

**princesssparklepants:** i know :^)

**kkogane:** gonna do the same to all of lance’s jackets

**lanceylance:** u just want an excuse to wear my jackets

**kkogane:** yes and?

**carrierpidgeon:** PLEASE YOU TWO ARE IN THE SAME ROOM

**kkogane:** YES AND?

**theromellanempire:** insufferable

**kkogane:** perish

**theromellanempire:** you first

**lanceylance:** please don’t kill my fiancé i love him too much

**lanceylance:** i would have to go to the underworld to rescue him please persephone scares me

**shirogamer:** and hades doesn’t?

**whatashayme:** NO

**gaspadam:** takashi…..

**kkogane:** [DEEP BREATH]

**carrierpidgeon:** lance i am begging you to distract them

**kkogane:** THE DREAD GODDESS—

**kissthehunk:** every day i look away from the group chat for two seconds and keith is about to go off about greek mythology

**carrierpidgeon:** fucking nerd

**kkogane:** silence nerd

**princesssparklepants:** keith is valid for this one persephone is a bamf

**princesssparklepants:** dread goddess...queen of the underworld...possibly rooted in a mystery goddess whose name could not be spoken out loud……..

**princesssparklepants:** and the way people run with her aesthetic…...springtime but make it dark and the blood-red flowers and the pomegranates...god

**_theromellanempire > kkogane_ **

**theromellanempire:** .

**kkogane:** [sigh] go on

**theromellanempire:** I JUST THINK ALLURA DRESSED UP AS PERSEPHONE OR A PERSEPHONE TYPE WOULD BE HOT AS FUCK AND I JUST GOT TO THE STUDENT UNION AND SHE IS STILL HOT AS FUCK AND I AM SO /FUCKING/ GAY

**kkogane:** understandable allura is a hot person

**theromellanempire:** KEITH she’s so far out of my LEAGUE WHAT DO I DO

**kkogane:** she’s a fucking nerd just like the rest of us and you guys are basically best friends

**kkogane:** “out of your league” my ass

**kkogane:** just ask her out

**theromellanempire:** NO???

**kkogane:** okay then don’t ask her out?

**theromellanempire:** ALSO NO????

**kkogane:** ,

**theromellanempire:** i feel like this is much easier for you to look back on now that you are nearly fIVE FUCKING YEARS removed from ur constant panicking over lance

**theromellanempire:** mr “i can’t ask him out what if i ruin the friendship what if he doesn’t feel the same way blah blah blah”

**kkogane:** 16-year-olds don’t have the best sense of judgment and he had only ever gone after people who were pretty different from me i was valid

**theromellanempire:** he looked at u like u hung the fucking moon do u know how head over heels a TEENAGE BOY HAS TO BE TO LOOK AT SOMEONE LIKE THAT

**kkogane:** “looked” he Still looks at me like that, actually

**kkogane:** the same way u look at allura—

**theromellanempire:** where are u. where are u. im coming to town to throttle u

**kkogane:** at my fiancé’s house with my big scary dog 

**kkogane:** he says bark bark

**theromellanempire:** kosmo is a baby and he likes me he won’t do a damn thing

**kkogane:** he says try me bitch

**theromellanempire:** omw watch ur back

**_the rawring 20s XD_ **

**princesssparklepants:** u know what. i think we all should ask ourselves before every decision, what would persephone do?

**lanceylance:** the answer is hot girl shit

**carrierpidgeon:** did persephone effectively utilize girl power—

**kkogane:** no. no. we are not doing this to persephone stop it

**carrierpidgeon:** gaslight gatekeep girlboss <3

**princesssparklepants:** mansplain manipulate malewife hades !

**kkogane:** the internet was a mistake 

**gaspadam:** i can’t believe i’m watching keith lose his dignity in real time

**shirogamer:** can’t lose what he never had

**kkogane:** bold words coming from someone who asked out his husband in a mcdonald’s bathroom 

**kissthehunk:** shiro…

**shirogamer:** KEITH AKIRA KOGANE

**mattata:** OH NO HE BROKE OUT THE MIDDLE NAME

**kkogane:** booo you don’t scare me

**kkogane:** shiro asked adam out in a mcdonald’s bathroom 

**kkogane:** AND ADAM SAID YES

**gaspadam:** …

**shirogamer:** ,

**gaspadam:** i mean i don’t regret saying yes

**mattata:** adam, shiro,

**shirogamer:** i...panicked

**shirogamer:** we literally. we were having a study date, okay??? it was JUST a study date

**gaspadam:** a study date we skipped school to have

**mattata:** [gasp] delinquents…….

**shirogamer:** it was a HALF DAY and we weren’t gonna DO ANYTHING we even beat the lunch rush!!!

**gaspadam:** it is important to note that we were freshmen 

**gaspadam:** we were not jaded seniors seeking a day of rest, we were baby-faced little shits skipping school because it was the less boring alternative

**carrierpidgeon:** skipped school...for a study date

**kkogane:** should’ve just gone to school

**shirogamer:** if i had gone to school that day i might well not be married now

**shirogamer:** honestly i knew deep in my heart adam was the one when he said yes instead of questioning why i asked him out in a mcdonald’s bathroom <3

**gaspadam:** some things are better left unknown

**shirogamer:** you love me deeply

**shirogamer:** anyway we had eaten and we had just finished up and we were getting ready to leave and the bathrooms were empty and adam was watching me from the mirror while i was washing my hands

**shirogamer:** and i…

**gaspadam:** he turned around and went “like what you see?” and i said “yes,” completely deadpan

**lanceylance:** WRETHRGRSRGTH

**shirogamer:** so i said “then maybe you should see it more often” and then i realized what exactly i had just implied

**kkogane:** terrible. absolutely fucking terrible

**shirogamer:** and adam went “maybe i want to” and then I WENT “then see it all you like” AND THEN…..

**kkogane:** shiro,

**shirogamer:** ADAM KISSED ME IN THE MCDONALD’S BATHROOM

**kkogane:** ……

**gaspadam:** ,

**kkogane:** adam,

**gaspadam:** not a word, son

**carrierpidgeon:** FIRST KISS?? IN A MCDONALD’S BATHROOM?????????

**gaspadam:** it was on the cheek

**mattata:** sorry dad that still counts

**kkogane:** you’re both disasters

**princesssparklepants:** wow...there was really never hope for keith to begin with

**kkogane:** ALLURA

**lanceylance:** and yet he landed me anyway :^D

**kkogane:** yeah i WON

**theromellanempire:** in what contest

**whatashayme:** oh dear

**whatashayme:** why are we doing this

**princesssparklepants:** wow it’s not very feminist of you to refer to your fiancé as a prize, keith

**kkogane:** oh my god

**lanceylance:** no no i am okay with being a trophy husband i’m hot as fuck

**kissthehunk:** i looked away for five minutes to pay attention in class [long sigh]

**shirogamer:** don’t the rest of you ALSO have classes

**princesssparklepants:** fair point i am having an afternoon with romelle anyway

**princesssparklepants:** farewell

**_lanceylance > princesssparklepants_ **

**lanceylance:** you are SO LOUD

**princesssparklepants:** SHHH SHE WILL SEE THIS GOODBYE

**lanceylance:** have fun on ur lunch date xoxo

**_the rawring 20s XD_ **

**lanceylance:** entire day and not a single class cancelled

**lanceylance:** i hate it here

**lanceylance:** i had to go to class AND do homework?

**princesssparklepants:** oh noo u didn’t have to leave ur house at all...got to sit at the same desk…..

**lanceylance:** okay u joke but sitting in the same place for leisure, meals, AND schoolwork is severely fucking me up i feel like i am sitting in a cage

**lanceylance:** i miss FRIENDS

**lanceylance:** I MISS PLACES

**lanceylance:** dude whenever the hell all this ends and we go back to something even remotely resembling the Before Times i am never going to look at a big crowd the same way ever again

**lanceylance:** like i was already claustrophobic but a crowded grocery store gives me literal panic attacks now

**kissthehunk:** oh same 

**kissthehunk:** if i have to go to the store i go at night a couple hours before closing there’s usually not that many people there

**shirogamer:** nighttime does seem to be prime grocery hours huh

**carrierpidgeon:** wait can we go back to lance calling everything pre-march the Before Times

**carrierpidgeon:** what are u a YA protagonist

**lanceylance:** no that means i have to face my impending doom every day i am a simply a background character living my best life

**kissthehunk:** i feel like a year ago u would have been like “yes i am obviously the main character” who are u and what have u done w lance

**lanceylance:** u could say i have developed as a character 

**carrierpidgeon:** bruh

**whatashayme:** lance

**lanceylance:** shay

**lanceylance:** i am just saying that i have reevaluated my position bc being the main character of a YA novel often means that not just myself but my loved ones are also in danger and i care about u guys too much to subject u all to that <3

**princesssparklepants:** wow….maybe lance Does have rights after all…..

**_lanceylance > princesssparklepants_ **

**lanceylance:** so when are u asking out romelle

**princesssparklepants:** nvm rights revoked

**_the rawring 20s XD_ **

**princesssparklepants:** never mind upon further evaluation i have come to the conclusion that lance mcclain does not have a single right except the one to shut the fuck up

**lanceylance:** buy my silence!!

**princesssparklepants:** that’s too expensive your rates are out of control

**kkogane:** i can do it for the price of a single kiss

**carrierpidgeon:** we all know that’s not a real price if you’re into it

**kkogane:** i win, lance wins, allura wins, everyone wins

**kkogane:** i see no downsides

**carrierpidgeon:** the only downside is that WE /ALL/ HAVE TO HEAR ABOUT IT

**lanceylance:** i may not be the main character but i was not born to be subtle

**whatashayme:** so basically ur the side character everyone wants a spinoff book about

**lanceylance:** ...yeah maybe so

**lanceylance:** i hope my author never gets around to writing it <3

**_dragon that dungeon_ **

**mattata:** good evening gaymers i have compiled the final list of everyone’s race, class, and subclass

**mattata:** i have received the all-clear to announce them all, including keith’s formerly secret subclass

**kkogane:** i think it will just be funnier if shiro knows, even if i will not be present to watch him have an aneurysm

**gaspadam:** please stop trying to kill my husband

**kkogane:** i make no promises for this campaign

**shirogamer:** keith what does that MEAN

**kkogane:** you’ll see

**mattata:** heh

**shirogamer:** does this have anything to do w matt telling me he had the perfect subclass for me

**kkogane:** he what

**mattata:** HEH

**mattata:** by alphabetical order of classes

**mattata:** first of all we have HUNK playing a dragonborn path of the zealot barbarian

**mattata:** we have no bards bc u all suck so i will simply make a troupe of bards as an encounter

**carrierpidgeon:** revenge of the drama kids

**mattata:** …..MAYBE SO

**mattata:** next up is LANCE playing a half-elf tempest domain cleric

**lanceylance:** heheheheheheh

**mattata:** after that we have SHAY as a goliath circle of the land druid, specifically from the mountains

**kissthehunk:** buff rock wife

**lanceylance:** are your characters also married

**whatashayme:** still working out the backstory ask us again in a couple weeks

**carrierpidgeon:** oh no not two couples

**mattata:** next up is ROMELLE as a tiefling echo knight fighter

**carrierpidgeon:** WAIT FUCK THAT’S A GOOD ONE

**kkogane:** horny bitch

**theromellanempire:** your character is married to a pointy-eared little bastard

**lanceylance:** HEY DON’T DRAG ME INTO HIS SHIT

**kkogane:** we r a package deal

**lanceylance:** /FUCK/

**carrierpidgeon:** tiefs...fire...echo knight...shadow…

**kkogane:** now wait a minute…

**mattata:** heheheheh

**kkogane:** matt what the FUCK is going on in ur little dm brain

**mattata:** So Much

**mattata:** no monks either bc u guys are cowards

**kkogane:** oh no however will we live with ourselves

**mattata:** performing troupe but it’s just bards and monks watch ur fucking backs

**princesssparklepants:** pack it up clowns we’re getting outshone by the circus

**mattata:** HEY

**mattata:** ANYWAY,

**mattata:** paladins, there are two of u fruity fucks

**kkogane:** matt really woke up from his afternoon nap and chose violence

**mattata:** precisely

**kkogane:** first up is KEITH as a human oathbreaker paladin

**shirogamer:** oathbreaker...desecrating my favorite class like this

**kkogane:** xoxo

**mattata:** don’t laugh yet keith

**kkogane:** what…

**lanceylance:** oop

**kissthehunk:** oh god

**mattata:** and then, when we get around to their guest arc, SHIRO as a human oath of vengeance paladin

**kkogane:** OATH OF VENGEANCE??? SHIRO????

**shirogamer:** hmm? what was it that u said, keith? what was it, xoxo?

**kkogane:** SHIRO WHAT THE /FUCK/ DOES THIS MEAN

**kkogane:** WHO ARE U TAKING REVENGE ON……

**kkogane:** oh my god this has to do with the lore doesnt it

**shirogamer:** >:)

**gaspadam:** :)

**kkogane:** ADAM…

**mattata:** ANYWAY NEXT UP

**kkogane:** bite me matthew

**mattata:** not my job keithathan

**kkogane:** KEITHATHAN??

**mattata:** huh. none of u played a ranger either. wtf

**mattata:** alright moving on

**mattata:** PIDGEOTTO is playing a changeling arcane trickster rogue

**whatashayme:** i can feel the chaotic neutral rolling off of that build

**carrierpidgeon:** i shall not fuck the party over i shall Only fuck over memetthew

**kkogane:** a week ago i would have been like “let’s make sure matt is having fun too” but i think this has turned into “everyone vs matt”

**mattata:** matt holt vs the world

**mattata:** rest assured i find it VERY fun to fuck with you all and i welcome shenanigans to fuck me over in return

**princesssparklepants:** i have a feeling you’ll regret that

**theromellanempire:** he will

**mattata:** bring it motherfuckers

**mattata:** anyway next up we have...oh my god nobody played a sorcerer either

**mattata:** WHY DO NONE OF U HAVE TASTE

**whatashayne:** bc u threatened us

**kissthehunk:** yes u have a death mechanic yes we are still afraid of making squishy characters

**mattata:** cowards, the lot of you

**mattata:** anyway next up is ALLURA playing a kalashtar celestial warlock

**lanceylance:** hot

**theromellanempire:** incredibly sexy

**_kkogane > theromellanempire_ **

**kkogane:** so.

**theromellanempire:** SHUT UP YOUR FIANCÉ SAID SOMETHING FIRST

**kkogane:** i see u piggybacking so u won’t get caught

**theromellanempire:** your kneecaps are mine 

**_dragon that dungeon_ **

**whatashayme:** icon behavior

**princesssparklepants:** thank u mom said it’s my turn to make a dubious deal with an extraplanar being

**mattata:** heheheheh

**princesssparklepants:** bring it on i’m not afraid of u

**mattata:** noted!!

**mattata:** and finally, when he appears w shiro, ADAM is playing a human school of chronurgy wizard

**kkogane:** chronurgy...chronurgy…

**carrierpidgeon:** OH THAT MOTHERFUCKER HAS CHRONAL SHIFT

**kissthehunk:** [sob] that’s such a good feature

**kkogane:** are shiro and adam’s characters married. answer quickly.

**mattata:** :)

**carrierpidgeon:** /THREE/ COUPLES IN-GAME ARE U FUCKING KIDDING ME

**_princesssparklepants > theromellanempire_ **

**princesssparklepants:** oh no...pidge...who’s gonna tell them…

**theromellanempire:** GTHYJTMNYRTH

**princesssparklepants:** should we mention it to matt or

**theromellanempire:** so he can tell pidge or

**princesssparklepants:** no i was thinking more of like...better facilitation

**theromellanempire:** i think we let it happen naturally, no? it’s not like we’re romancing an npc

**theromellanempire:** plus there’s an element of surprise

**princesssparklepants:** you’re right

**_princesssparklepants > lanceylance_ **

**princesssparklepants:** so don’t tell romelle u know she wants to romance me in the campaign

**princesssparklepants:** act surprised when it happens

**lanceylance:** oh my surprise will be genuine don’t u worry

**princesssparklepants:** is that a dig at me

**lanceylance:** both of u <3 like a package deal <3

**princesssparklepants:** h

**_dragon that dungeon_ **

**mattata:** sometimes that is just the burden we have to bear pidgeon

**carrierpidgeon:** this just makes me feel more justified in my character choices actually

**whatashayme:** pidge changed their mind they actually will be choosing intra-party conflict

**carrierpidgeon:** and when i change my form to impersonate one of u...and then what!!! then what!!!!!

**carrierpidgeon:** …..OOOOOH I HAD A THOUGHT

**kkogane:** they have a holt brain it’s over for all of us

**carrierpidgeon:** heheheheheh sibling chaos braincell go brrrrrrr

**kissthehunk:** we are all so screwed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> romancing ur partner (or crush) in d&d is actually the peak of romance what are u talking about 
> 
> can u tell i still have dungeons & dragons brainrot
> 
> i am so sorry
> 
> also i am two seconds away from writing a companion fic for this that is Just the campaign except if i do that i will go off the deep end and make character sheets and roll for the things that happen bc i think it would be fun and also hilarious
> 
> anyway see u whenever the next one comes 
> 
> [other fics](https://archiveofourown.org/users/astralscrivener/works) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/astralscrivener)


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